DC's blog

A Game of Three banner

2011-12-30T20:16:00.000+01:00

The wonderful catonspeed made a banner for my current story, A Game of Three! Check out chapter 7 here!

Happy New Year everyone!

Teaser for 'Take You For A Ride'

2011-10-26T18:22:00.003+02:00

Like many great authors in the fandom, I've joined the Fandom4Texas Wildfire Relief, offering a one-shot (yes, even if it's in very small print, my name's on the contributing authors pic)! If you want to, you could call it Twi, E/B, but don't expect them to behave accordingly. Here's a quick teaser!

“Hello there, stranger,” she calledout in a husky voice, then shifted her balance so that she couldswing one leg over the bike to get down from it, forcing me to revisemy estimation of her height down another couple of inches once shestood on solid ground.

“Hey there yourself,” I replied, inwhat must have been the least eloquent choice of words since college.Her smile flashed brighter, then turned a little lopsided as shestretched languidly, letting her tight clothing accentuate adifferent set of curves than the road bends to get my hearthammering.

“You are quite a good driver,” Ioffered rather lamely in an attempt to keep my thoughts on somethingelse than the form hugging expanse of yellow and black before me, theseat of my own leathers becoming increasingly uncomfortable by thesecond.

“Why, thank you,” she drawled, thenidly reached up to push a sweaty lock off her forehead. “You'requite the devil on your little devil there yourself. Almost didn'thope to find a worthy opponent among all these old men on their heavycruisers today.”

Any coherent answer I might haveoffered died low in my throat as she came sauntering over, then puther bare hand down on the tank of the bike mere inches away fromwhere I still sat.

“Do you mind if I take a look at yourpackage there?”

For a small donation, this story, and many many others will be yours! Donate for a good cause!!

Fandom For LLS

2011-08-06T21:31:00.000+02:00

Once again the wonderful people of the twi fandom are gathering to raise money for a worthy cause, this time for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Directly from the Fandom for LLS blog:

Fandom For LLS is hoping to not only bring awareness to these cancers but to put a face to the name. We encourage you to check out the site and maybe you will find something you can connect with. ...

Thanks to donations from others, cancer research has made many milestones, but still every 10 minutes, someone in the US dies from a blood cancer. For a minimum $5 donation, you can receive a compilation of stories by Twific authors. Just click on the "Donation" page and follow the link, then email your receipt to Fandom4LLS@gmail.com. Your donations will go directly to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society who's mission is to cure leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin's disease and myeloma, and improve the quality of life of patients and their families.

I'd love to join but I haven't come up with a good idea for a story yet - but if you want to help, I'm open to suggestions! I don't do outtakes, though ;)

BL RIP

2011-07-26T11:45:00.000+02:00

I'm writing this post to let you know that I've pulled the three posted chapters of one of my WIPs, 'Bloody Lies'.

Now, I know that I said I would never pull a fic to get it published. I lied, or rather, omitted to add, unless I feel like it's not working out the way I intended it to.

Which is the case with BL. I still intend to write it, maybe even try to get it published, and I won't change much besides the names and physical descriptions. In my mind, the characters have never been twi, so I don't think I'll have much of a problem. Why I think it doesn't work then? Because in my readers's heads, they were twi, and already three chapters in that was rather obvious. I expected that to happen to a certain extent, but you surpassed even my worst fears, and while in the planning stages the idea to fuck with everyone's minds because of that, in actual writing it doesn't work for me.

The story is complicated, as are the characters, and they deserve a clean slate.

I'm grateful for the wonderful feedback I got, and I'll keep all your reviews close to my heart, and labelled in my inbox.

For the judgmental bitches out there, no, I did not pull it because it got less reviews than TEMC - everything I ever wrote got less reviews than TEMC, and all the rest stays online on FFn, TWCS, and my google site. No idea what you judge such claims on, but in my world, 152 reviews for 3 chapters is a great ratio. If the story had worked as intended, I would have completed it. Fact is, it didn't, so to spare everyone months of dragging on or expecting updates that won't come, I'm ending this, as it is, now.

I'm not sure what I will be working on after TEMC is complete in roughly 10 chapters from now. Besides possible outtakes, extra chapters, and one-shots, I don't think I can stand not to have a multi chapter WIP going. Honestly, I think even in the best case of publishing a novel, 20 years from now, I'd start another fanfic, just for the heck of it. I love writing, and I love writing fanfic, but just like any other writer, I have some ideas that simply don't work the way I want them to. I'm sure that Hemingway had a drawer full of half finished stuff, too. The downside of my fanfic writing mode of posting as I write, instead of finishing before I post, is that, eventually, a story had to come along that didn't make it far. I'm sorry that I had to pull it, but I think it's the fair solution for all of us.

And, let's get real, it was only three chapters.

TEMC - Chapter 12

2011-06-21T19:48:00.000+02:00

posted at:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972004/12
http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4534
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/temc/temc---chapter-12

TEMC - Chapter 11

2011-06-17T17:42:00.000+02:00

posted at:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972004/11
http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4534
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/temc/temc---chapter-11

It's so good to be back, at least for 2 updates! I'll be on vacation starting next week Thursday, and I'm not sure I will have time to write or a stable enough connection to update - but please enjoy the story until then! :)

TEMC - Chapter 10

2011-06-07T21:41:00.001+02:00

posted at:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972004/10
http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4534
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/temc/temc---chapter-10

Bloody Lies - Chapter 3

2011-06-05T13:26:00.000+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972039/3
http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4535
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/bl/bl---chapter-3

TEMC - Chapter 9

2011-06-03T22:12:00.000+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972004/9

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4534

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/temc/temc---chapter-9

TEMC - Chapter 8

2011-05-31T21:40:00.001+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972004/8

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4534

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/temc/temc---chapter-8

TEMC - Chapter 7

2011-05-27T20:40:00.002+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972004/7

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4534

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/temc/temc---chapter-7

Hope you all have a great weekend!

I skipped the links for ch6 because blogger was a bit of a bitch this week.

Bloody Lies - Chapter 2

2011-05-21T20:34:00.000+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972039/2

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4535

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/bl/bl---chapter-2

Chapter 2 of BL is finally online!

I'm sorry it took me so long to update!

TEMC - Chapter 5

2011-05-21T00:23:00.000+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972004/5

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4534

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/temc/temc---chapter-5

Hope you all have a great weekend!

If any of you want to read a brilliant, very promising E/J slash story I can warmly recommend Roads!!

TEMC rec'd on the Indie Fic Pimp Blog!!

2011-05-19T09:07:00.000+02:00

TEMC got its first (that I know of) rec on a blog!! Even made New Fic of the Week at the Indie Fic Pimp blog! I'm soooooo excited right now, words fail me!

Indie Fic Pimp: New Fic of the Week: 5/16 - 5/22: "The Elusive Mr. Cullen by dariachenowith http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972004/1/The_Elusive_Mr_Cullen Review by Les16"

TEMC - Chapter 4

2011-05-17T14:23:00.000+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972004/4

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4534

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/temc/temc---chapter-4

I'm so excited that so many people read, love, and recommend the story! Thank you all so much :)

TEMC - Chapter 3

2011-05-13T23:00:00.000+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972004/3

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4534

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/temc/temc---chapter-3

I'm so excited about everyone loving the story so much :)

As writing goes so well right now I decided to switch the posting schedule to 2 chapters a week - Tuesday and Friday. Hope you approve ;)

TEMC got fanmail!

2011-05-12T19:51:00.000+02:00

Or rather, a fan mail picture! Inspired by chapter 2! Thanks to Alleykittty for emailing it to me!

TEMC - Chapter 2

2011-05-10T22:57:00.000+02:00

posted at:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972004/2
http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4534
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/temc/temc---chapter-2

I'm completely amazed by all the love the story is already getting! Thank you all so much!

"Guess" - 1st chapter for Fandom Fights Tsunami Compilation

2011-05-10T22:49:00.000+02:00

Like many other writers in the fandom I've signed up to contribute something to the Fandom Fights Tsunami compilation - and as I'm about to email them my story, I figured I should raise awareness for the cause once more!

Right now almost 300 authors have signed up for this compilation that you can still donate to the cause to get until July 1st! The compilation will be sent out on May 20th, so the sooner you donate, the sooner you'll get it!

Unlike some other writers who will keep their contribution exclusive to this compilation I will post mine after the donation drive is over - mainly because I was unable to come up with a o/s, and instead wrote the first chapter for the next new multi chapter fic! [as of now I'm very afraid of my brain, just so you know]

May I present to you - "Guess", a Jasper/Edward, AH/OOC story.
Summary:
When shy, introverted Jasper Whitlock and his sister Bella move to Forks, she is intent on setting him up with charismatic Edward Masen - straight quarterback and jock to some, interesting guy to others. A perfect match made in high school hell, or a recipe for disaster?

ABD Chapter 38 - The End

2011-05-07T22:20:00.000+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/38

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/ - Chapter 38

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-38

I almost can't believe it's over - it was a wild ride, a great story to tell, and all that's left for me to do is say thank you!

Chapter 1 of BL and TEMC posted!

2011-05-07T22:03:00.000+02:00

BL - Bloody Lies (updates Saturdays)

posted at:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972039/1/
http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4535
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/bl/bl---chapter-1

Summary:
Bella Swan is a problem solver. Edward Cullen is a problem – and one some people would like to see resolved in a more permanent way. AH/OOC.

TEMC – The Elusive Mr. Cullen (updates Tuesdays)

posted at:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6972004/1/
http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4534
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/temc/temc---chapter-1

Banner, made by the lovely vbfb1 (here's more of her great work!)

Summary:
Bella is a high class escort, Edward her newest client. They soon realize that there's more between them than great sex and witty conversations. While Bella doesn't believe in fairy tales, her life seems to be turning into one fast. Or is it? AH/OOC.

UP NEXT

2011-05-01T00:05:00.000+02:00

With ABD coming to a definite end next Saturday, I would like to take the time for a quick update about what I'm planning (and already writing on) for the months to come. And I need your help – I need banners for my two new stories, and it would be great if someone who has a knack for banners could 'adopt' them.

Among an infinite number of possible one-shots to come up with (including but not limited to HBR/ABD outtakes) I have two longer multi-chapter stories lined up next, BL and TEMC.

BL – Bloody Lies
After finishing 'Bend me, break me' (and more recently, the 2nd POV to it), I've been wanting to write a story that is fast, dark, and has enough twists that I really need an outline (and don't get to wing it again like with HBR/ABD where I knew what would happen, but the real plot was easy to keep track of in my head). Something to challenge me and my readers both, with strong, complicated characters, none of whom really belong to the 'good guys'.

If I can pull it off as I aim to, it will be somewhat of a love child of Tarantino's movies & Inception. It will be from Bella's POV, but she's probably one of the most un-Bella-esque Bellas I've ever created. Like with BMBM I will freely steal the twi names and physical attributes – and that is about where the resemblance to other twi fanfics will end. It will be violent, bloody, delve deep into the darker sides of the human psyche, and I can't wait to finally start writing it after almost a year of planning. There won't be much smut, but there will be some. Once you get to meet Edward, you'll probably understand why.

BL will update Saturdays (getting ABD's spot simply because the story will be longer, with possibly longer chapters).

TEMC – The Elusive Mr. Cullen
Bella is a high class escort, Edward her newest client, they soon realize that there's more between them than great sex and witty conversations. While Bella doesn't believe in fairy tales, her life seems to be turning into one fast. Or is it?

While that summary might sound like hundreds of fics out there, don't forget it's me writing it, so expect a few twists and turns, larger than life characters, and smut. It was planned to be about 19 chapters long and coming shy of 80k words, but 8 chapters in I can already tell you that it's getting longer than that. It's also in Bella's POV, her narrative is very refreshing and spunky (pun intended, of course), and while the story comes with a hefty dose of romance, it's not going to be fluffy.

After all, fairy tales used to be about something else except meeting your Prince Charming not so long ago.

TEMC will update Tuesdays, to spread the love over the entire week.

HELP!
Now it would be kind of neat to have a banner each for BL and TEMC. If you know me, you know I'm not a fan of the whole pics of the twi actors craze, and I don't want any of them in any of the banners. The banners should be simple and classy, and of course I'll thank whoever takes on the challenge in my A/Ns and here (and I'm not adverse to offering to write a o/s or outtake in return for it, too). If you're interested, please email me at daria.chenowith@gmail.com so we can discuss things!

Short(er) projects:
- Because almost everyone who commented on my Eurofornication slash o/s 'In Vienna' was curious how that would continue, we've done some heavy duty brainstorming to come up with a few more chapters. 5-6 probably, and I don't know yet when I'll have the time to write them. Before summer, hopefully.
- I'm working on a o/s for the 'Twilight Fights Tsunami' Compilation. Not 100% sure what it will turn out to be (I'm still open for suggestions, hint hint) but the current plan is a Jasper/Alice o/s, somewhat angsty, somewhat smutty, and hopefully something that will break your heart but also make you sigh happily. I want to contribute a stand-alone o/s for it, and this is your chance to tell me what to write ;)
- There's still the matter of 'Velvet & Chains', my Dommella's Dungeon sample entry. I haven't forgotten about it, but need to take a break from all things kinky, but if I come up with a solid plot I might develop that into a medium sized fic after TEMC is finished.

QUESTIONS?
I'm going to post the first chapters of BL and TEMC next Saturday, just before I post the last ABD chapter (provided I actually write that first BL chapter until then), so you can head right over to read them. If you have any questions about either of the fics, I'd be happy to answer them on the blog next week.

ABD Chapter 37 notes

2011-05-01T00:02:00.000+02:00

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/37

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/ - Chapter 37

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-37

Almost done now!

I personally think this is one of the best chapters to characterize all of three of them. In a way, it could already have been the last chapter of the story, but there are still a few loose ends to tie up for next week's update.

ABD Chapter 36 notes

2011-04-23T18:14:00.000+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/36

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/ - Chapter 36

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-36

We're down to only 2 more chapters! With luck I'll finish writing this weekend.

ABD Chapter 35 notes

2011-04-16T16:05:00.000+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/35

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/ - Chapter 35

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-35

We're down to the last 4 chapters - now I can say that chapter 38 will be the last one. I'm really going to miss the three of them, but they deserve some rest (particularly after chapters 36 and 37 lol)

If you want to read any of the o/s I mentioned in the a/n of the chapter, you'll find the links in the previous blog posts.

Prassacut's 'Eat, Laugh, Fuck' you can find here:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6906626/1/Eat_Laugh_Fuck

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4463

The story really deserved to win, and deserves many more reviews and attention (hint: if you help me pester her she might write the next chapter faster! Peer pressure FTW!)

O/s: In Vienna

2011-04-15T17:28:00.001+02:00

posted at:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6906535/1/
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/home/in-vienna
http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4462

My entry for the anonymous Eurofornication contest - as you all know I don't like to write for contests, but this one I couldn't pass up! I would have loved to tell you how many votes I got or how far from either of the winners my story places, but the hosts think it is an awesome idea not to tell anyone, not even the contestants.

Summary:
One breakup. Two guys. Three bars. Endless possibilities.
OOC/AH, Slash (Edward/Jasper), M for many reasons.

bend me, break me - SuitGuyPOV

2011-04-08T22:21:00.002+02:00

posted at:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6888356/1/
http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4417
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/home/bend-me-break-me---suitguypov

There isn't really much I can say about this story - besides thank Alex again for the awesome banner. He even hid a cat in it for me!
The story took a lot of time, strength and energy to write, and if I may say so, I'm proud of it.

ABD Chapter 34 notes

2011-04-06T09:17:00.000+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/34

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/ - Chapter 34

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-34

Another of the weeks where I don't really have much to say besides the A/N already in the chapter. I hope this chapter showed you that it's by far NOT easy to be a good Dom, compared to how 3/4 of fanfic handles the topic.

Later this week there will be another update, although not for ABD. You've probably been holding your breath for that for 2 months, or the better part of a year now, trust me when I tell you I'm right there with you ;)

ABD Chapter 33 notes

2011-03-28T11:12:00.000+02:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/33

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/ - Chapter 33

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-33

Sorry for being a little late (and too lazy to find a good pic), FFn is still screwed up so I haven't replied to ANY reviews personally yet - don't want to make anyone feel left out because the site eats my replies. I'll try to reply to those that need replies because of specific questions or comments later, although considering I haven't had the time and headspace to write anything new on ABD since February 5th, I kind of doubt it. One more week and I will have run out of my writing backlog, eep!

General explanations, statements, and a slight soap box moment below - plus a quick update on why I'm being such a recluse of late.

Lets's start with the positive stuff first - I'm beyond happy to see how much people care about the characters and recent events, judging from the way reactions ran high and rampant when I posted chapter 32. I hope that most of the (rhetorical, for no one could have expected a direct answer from me at a cliffhanger) questions have been answered now in chapter 33 - but there are a few things I think I should underline, or stress a little more than Edward in his narrative ever would (as to him they are a given, and not worth mulling over).

I think one of the main points of dissent, or unease if you will, is that we don't see Bella's POV of all this. I've refrained from elaborating on her opinion outside of what actually is spoken in the story because I didn't want to take away the element of suspense - maybe I should have, but, meh, the beauty of having something written from just one character's perspective is that you will always have to guess how everyone else sees the events unfolding. One of the reasons I stopped reading so many fanfics was that to me the overanalyzing from 2 POVs killed that feeling completely; I still think a writer should be able to write a strong enough 'voice' of one character that has to suffice to clear everything up - and the remaining uncertainties are what we all LIVE with every single day, as we can't read other people's mind. But for everyone who didn't catch everything, wants clarification, or is prone to mix my story up with others, here's where Bella is coming from.

Bella's life has changed a lot since the first chapter of HBR - that much is obvious. What I hope is equally clear is that the first and foremost change has been how she sees the world, and how she choses to react to things. Being in a BDSM relationship has given her a unique opportunity to reorient herself - she doesn't have to keep secrets anymore, can trust that her honest opinion is valued and they can talk - and should, even - about everything. EVERYthing. That's a huge change from what she grew up with - and what I presume most of you are used to - it means NO COMPROMISE. You can see things black and white only - either you want something, or you don't. You set limits to what you're comfortable with, and only within those clear cut boundaries compromise and indulging someone else exists. It also means that she can trust that when she claims to be okay with something, others will take that at face value, and she can expect the same from them.

If you look at what has happened in the eventful months since she and Edward became a couple, you can see how adapting to that has gradually changed how she acts and reacts. In the beginning it was all strange to her, a mere concept and words she was happy to say and hear, but she didn't really understand, didn't take it seriously. She didn't voice her insecurities, didn't consider that Edward expected her to say if something rubbed her the wrong way, as else he would assume that she was okay with it. She also wasn't used to be honest enough with herself to decide on everything that happened how she felt about it in a Yes/No - No third option way. When she walked in on Edward and Jazz on the couch, she had two options - to return to her old way, or to change drastically. She chose the second option - to own up to her insecurities and feelings, to vocalize them, and to make sure that there was no second-guessing or leeway possible in her opinions anymore. She chose to stick with Edward because she wanted him, loved him, and was ready to accept him with all his flaws. In the space of a few days she set the foundation of what the dynamic and relationship between them is now - trust. I would go so far and say she even knew that if Edward and Jazz ever stopped acting like assholes around each other, there was a good chance that they wouldn't remain on a 'just friendly' basis, either, because she had the emotional distance to see the reasons and motives for their behavior. She had half a year to come to terms with that, probably only needed a few weeks of that. What she wants is Edward to be happy - and as that doesn't exclude her, it's really a selfish thing of her to want. When he is happy, he will cause her less stress and reason to worry. She accepts that she is not the only one he can love at the same time, but is sure in her knowledge that she will always be special to him.

Some have remarked that of late she has seemed more like a bitch than usual - I think that's mostly the perception many people have of outspoken women. Towards Jasper in particular she has always been very forward, and once she got used to Edward being more at ease with her being like towards him - honest, no mind games - she changed her demeanor accordingly. That's one of the few aspects where she's a lot like me - from the sheer amount of expletives I throw in my bf's face you'd probably never guess at the other kind of dynamic that exists between us (while he's too much of a gentleman to ever call me a raging bitch to my face except for when we play). I think with the added information from chapter 33 her reaction to when Edward came home makes a lot more sense, too - she has been full of frustration for weeks, her need for honesty at war with her loyalty for Jazz, and when things got too much for her, she snapped. Her ranting about Edward visiting Alice was the equivalent of 'and you never take the trash out!' at the end of a long argument why you hate that your husband always takes the side of his mother over yours - terribly important because you have to end your stance with a gut punch argument, but utterly inconsequential once the real issue is resolved.

Speaking of which - this is one of two things that horrified me a little at the reactions I saw in comments and reviews (my betas would slap me now at combining the two in a sentence, but meh, I was horrified, but shrugged it off pretty fast) - how many said Edward should have asked Bella for permission to talk to Alice.

Please insert a mental pause, maybe consider for a moment how you'd react if your husband/boyfriend is hating one of your closest, longest friends who, admittedly, has been acting like a raging bitch of late, but you feel like the unresolved issues between you and her are killing you, and you need to fucking KNOW why she's been acting like that.

Personally, NO ONE will ever tell me who I can talk to or not, and for what reasons, and I would never assume I had to right to tell my bf how to react towards his friends, whatever I think of them. There are a few people I like a lot who he thinks are assholes, there are two women he has known for a long time who I would like to bitchslap every time he even mentions them, but we both agree to disagree, and it's none of our damn business what the other thinks or does. I call that a healthy relationship and trust. I also know that I react very strongly to statements like these because it comes to close to what some people think is part of the 'rules in BDSM', but is the complete opposite of it. I really don't want to offend anyone, and I'm quite happy to let you believe what you will, but I as a feminist think no one has the right to tell me how or when to talk to anyone.

The second small gripe goes in the exact same direction - someone made a remark that to me is something between a punch in the gut and a really tasteless joke. To me it implied they were equalizing BDSM with the hallmark excuse for domestic violence, and this is something I CANNOT stand. Like the implication that a sub is a doormat whose behavior is controlled by a domineering asshole, her being set up as a victim of abuse are the fundamental problems/prejudice I've had to face whenever I told anyone about that part of me.

I know I've said it before, and I will never tire of saying it - BDSM is the farthest you get from domestic violence and abuse.

YES, I KNOW, it LOOKS similar, but as I have been preaching for two years now, BDSM is so much moire than just the physical aspects. It is about respect, trust and honesty, of embracing a part of you that scares you shitless and that makes you feel like a freak, of becoming whole and loving yourself, of finding someone who helps you accept yourself and who loves and respects you for what you are - without limits. Someone you can tell everything, every dirty, depraved detail or craving, and you know their view of you won't ever change, whatever you tell or ask of them.

To say it even more plainly, a Dom's sub is the person he trusts the most, who he respects the most, who accepts and respects him in turn. He admired her strength of character and thrives to be a better man to prove the trust she puts in him every single time they play, she makes him feel good about who he is. He can take everything she says at face value.

Those are all incredibly powerful things I think we all would need a lot more in our lives, but seriously, how many people do you know that you can act completely carefree and yourself around?

Again, she is the one he respects the most, trusts the most, and would do anything to keep safe and see happy.

We've had the discussion about marriage vows and their meaning before - I still think that the bond between Dom and sub exceeds that by far. I'm happy if you are sure that your marriage is an exception, but fact is, for many people it's a very temporary thing that can easily be divorced, sad as it is, and they are more often than not not honest about that view.

End of soap box moment.

I've been torn about even speaking up, but these are two issues which have had my guts twisted for days now, I couldn't keep silent. I really don't want to offend anyone, and I don't want to tell you what to think in general, but if what I have said made you rethink the dynamics in a BDSM relationship again, I'm glad I've spoken up. I hope I'm already preaching to the choir here, and assume I've once again been too picky and have (subconsciously) read too much into innocent statements. I'm a rabid Doberman when it comes to these issues, after all, but someone HAS to speak up, we wouldn't have women's right to vote yet if that hadn't happened a lot in the past.

Now for a quick personal update.

Life has been putting me through the wringer of late - not on an emotional level, but I don't seem to be able to catch my breath. I've been sick, my lecture/seminar/lab load at the university is gigantic, my part time job doesn't leave me much time, and what little of it is left has been taken up by my computer gaming habit of late (one might think that two heavy migraine spells in a week might prompt me to set down the ps3 controller, but noooo, that would be too easy). Lack of sleep and the strain from wanting ABD to just be over hasn't helped much. I haven't written more than a page of ABD since February 5th, and only four other one-shots in various fandoms besides that. I love my life as it is right now, and I don't want, nor deserve, anyone's sympathy - but the simple consequence of all that is that I don't have the energy or time to reply to reviews as I used to.

I've even been somewhat glad that the site was fucked up last week so I had a convenient excuse not to worry about being unable to again - I'd really love to hug everyone for every single word they leave and lead hour long discussions with those who are up to it, but sadly I can't. Please know that I value your ongoing support more than I can express, even if my silence might make you think otherwise. That's not the case.

On a last note, we're down to the last couple of chapters for ABD - if you've been burning to ask something or hunger for specific outtakes, now is probably a good time to start thinking about then. I know I've said I would post a prequel to HBR when I'm done, I even have the first 50k of that written, but I'm so tired of the emotional meat grinder the whole topic has become for me that I'm no longer sure I should go ahead with that. Then again, I know that with a little vacation from something I'm sometimes big on rebounds, and you know that I'm a huge push-over, so, who knows? But for the sake of transparency I thought I should let you know. I'm just so tired of writing something that relates to something personal for me, compared to simply writing the best, kickass story my brain can come up with.

Thank you for taking the time to read all this! You're awesome :)

p.s. if anyone would like to read the utter filth I've been writing for Dragon Age II (my aforementioned ps3 addiction problem), let me know so that I post the links here, too. Since FFn is a cunt I've only been uploading them to TWCS or just my google sites archive, but I'm of course happy to put them a little more into the spotlight.

p.p.s as people have mentioned they haven't yet but still want to read LMU (Lift Me Up, my fluffybunny of a 50k fanfic) I'll leave the story online for a while longer.

ABD Chapter 32 notes

2011-03-21T00:43:00.001+01:00

Now that FFn let me post - with a work around solution - the chapter is online everwhere!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/32

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/ - Chapter 32

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-32

Hope you enjoy the chapter - comments very much appreciated this time ;)

Fandom Fights Tsunami Compilation

2011-03-14T14:22:00.000+01:00

I'm normally not a huge joiner, but I feel this is one charity I can't pass up. I've signed up today to contribute a o/s to the Fandom Fights Tsunami compilation.

Infos at: http://fandomfightstsunami.blogspot.com/

In short, for a donation of at least $10 you'll get a compilation of stories by May 20th. Right now there are 160 authors who signed up, and it's just been 3 days so far.

Now I'm very open for suggestions as for what to write in that o/s - if you have some idea that you think I could pull off or you'd love me to write it - please share! Any paring, any kind of smut, you know I'm game!

ABD Chapter 31 notes

2011-03-12T23:23:00.000+01:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/31

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/ - Chapter 31

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-31

Not much to say about this chapter - I think it's pretty straight forward, but if you have any questions about it, I'll be happy to add another post in a few days to answer them!

If you have a moment, please answer the blog post before this one! Thanks!

LMU - To pull or not to pull?

2011-03-09T15:00:00.000+01:00

The thing is - if you've read my note at the end of "Lift Me Up" you know that I'm not particularly fond of the story. I don't think it represents my 'talent' and 'style' at all, and it's been over half a year since I got any reviews for it (not counting one of my friends who recently finished reading it). It's a bit like a sore tooth on my stories list, and I think it's time to pull it.

What do you think? I'm not going to re-up it anywhere else, nor will I send out backups of it.

ABD Chapter 30 notes

2011-03-05T15:16:00.000+01:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/30

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/ - Chapter 30

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-30

Unfortunately I had to skip a week - sorry for that, if you want to know the reason for it, more below. Also, I got a few reviews and comments in the last weeks full of concern for Bella, and I think it's time that I explain a few things a little more to alleviate your fears.

If you were wondering about how B was tied up in the second part of the scene - I didn't find a better pic (using cuffs instead of rope), but this about aligns all limbs about the same way. It's just a little worse with less distance between ankles and wrists as it puts more strain on pretty much every muscle in the whole body.

Thank you all for your patience, I really didn't intend to stop my intended non-stop posting spree, but life got in the way. My skiing trip was awesome (thanks everyone who wished me a good one, btw!), but I had next to no internet connection, and the last day my laptop killed itself, too, and as if that hadn't been enough I forgot to send chapter 30 to my beta before I went on vacation. Then my summer semester at university started with a lot more stress and things to do than I expected, and, well, it was Friday by the time I had enough energy left to start with my beta edits. I hope that won't happen again, but if it does, please know it's not because I'm lazy but completely overworked. Hey, I even gave up my zynga game addiction on facebook, please see that as a sign of faith in my dedication ;)

Now to the main point of my note - Bella.
I don't want to single out any comments I got, but a lot of you were something between cautious and anxious for her, and I feel like it's my responsibility to set a few things straight (both to alleviate your fears, and to point out that Bella doesn't need anyone to 'protect' her).

I guess by now it's apparent that while there's a break between HBR and ABD, both to skip three months and to switch POVs, it's all one story with a few continuous themes. One of them is Bella's journey of finding herself. It was for the most part the main theme of HBR, but while Edward's own journey of acceptance has taken precedence now (because it's his POV, mainly), it's still one of the plot and character development driving parts of the story.

My pre-readers and I often joke of late how proud we are of the three of them, but I personally think Bella has come the farthest from the somewhat shy, repressed girl she's been a year ago (in-story). Unlike Edward (who usually needs ages and someone to slap sense into him) she is quick to accept changes, and compared to Jazz open to new things. She and Edward both floundered around a bit at the beginning of their relationship - for her the whole BDSM lifestyle was new and as exciting as it was frightening, while he had to get used to actually having a relationship for the first time in his life, which included playing with someone he genuinely loved. Eventually she found her stride, and while some things in ABD made her question herself, she overcame her own insecurities. She accepted her own submissive side, learned to be comfortable with it and wouldn't want to go back to vanilla relationship again. Edward might still have more experience than her, but as far as knowing their limits and being comfortable with them goes, they are equals now.

That also means that Bella wouldn't hesitate to speak up if something was rubbing her the wrong way, long before it could start screwing with her head and really upset her. Edward knows that she wouldn't say she is okay with something unless she really was - you shouldn't doubt her conviction, either.

I know that in every relationship you have to compromise, and every partner has to work hard on keeping the balance between their own needs and what they feel comfortable compromising on. The beauty of a kinky relationship is that you don't have to guess and compromise as much as most of you probably do every single day in your lives. In fact, I'd even go so far to say that the submissive in particular is a need driven, egoistical being that doesn't compromise and only does what they want. Don't forget, the sub's limits are what the Dom is working with - any 'order' a Dom gives that sounds like a forced command is within those limits, within the sub's comfort zone. The sub wants to be barked at, humiliated, made to do something they would probably not do out of their own will because modesty dictates one should not want to do that - but any single moment something goes beyond what they want to do, they can (and have to, in fact) end it by using their safe word. It's the fundamental law that makes playing and power exchange possible - and it's always a two-fold thing; one layer is what things appear to be, and the other is what they really are.

If you're used to working that way with playing, it's easy to conduct business outside of the playroom in a similar fashion. It's a beautiful mix of trust and honesty that I think everyone should thrive for in any kind of relationship - I wouldn't want to live in a web of lies and pretending to be happy when I'm not. And in this aspect I'm writing my own conviction into my characters. Both Bella and Edward would need a really good reason not to be open with each other, and very likely realize the other was lying to them if they were because they are so used to reading each other well. Trust them when they have a heart-to-heart talk, and don't insult them by assuming they are lying when they assure each other that they are okay with something.

I know that some people have problems with relationships that involve more than two people, in whatever kind of relationship they are towards each other. You know that I'm preaching acceptance with my story - if you have real troubles accepting that, you might want to slink away quietly now before I keep offending your moral code any more. A couple are two people, I fully agree on that - when it's three people, it's not a couple anymore, but that can be a wonderful thing, too. It just gets assigned another name ;)

ABD Chapter 29 notes

2011-02-19T18:13:00.000+01:00

posted at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/29

http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-29

Hope you like it!

The next chapter might be a day late. I hope I can catch up with review replies soon again!

ABD Chapter 28 notes

2011-02-12T17:34:00.000+01:00

posted at

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/28

http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=28

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-28

Not really much to say about the chapter - although I feel a little like running and ducking for cover. The sex wasn't planned, it just happened. The rest - well, I think you can guess that this was one of the chapters I've been itching to write for a long, long time. Hope you liked it!

fic rec: Crouching Sissy, Hidden Crusher, by prassacut

2011-02-12T15:37:00.000+01:00

Posted at FFN:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6726944/1/

Summary: Domme Bella is back and has a Sissy kneeling in her dungeon, who happens to also be her boyfriend. HA, OOC, BDSM.

I might be a little biased as far as this fic goes - the author is my friend, and she wrote the story as a birthday present for me - but I would have loved it even if someone else had written it, and not for me. It's kind of the sequel to her other BDSM fic, Crouching Painslut, Hidden Strapon, but you don't have to have read that to enjoy this o/s (although I highly recommend that you do, it's awesome!!)

There is one thing I love about the fic above all else - it's BDSM. And I mean REAL BDSM, not some badly researched wank fantasy - the girl knows what she's writing about, and it shows! The characters are strong, the story well written, the sex beyond hot - I'm at a loss for words to describe it, see that as a testament to how good the story is!

Her Bella is an incredible Domme, and reading this o/s really makes me want to kneel at her feet and ask her to do her worst to me. If you're up to reading something that makes me salivate - go! Read! Leave her some love, because she really deserves it!

L, thank you so much again!! Best birthday present ever!!

O/s: A Night Out

2011-02-12T15:18:00.000+01:00

posted at:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6721541/1/A_Night_Out
http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=4073

Summary: Sometimes unexpected guests knocking at your door in the middle of the night can be very welcome. Written for my friend L's birthday. AH/OOC, Lemons.

I've actually popped my girl-on-girl only cherry with this little delicious fic that will soon be extended into a two-shot! If you're looking for some hot, sensual read, you should check it out!

BMBM SG POV sent!

2011-02-12T14:45:00.000+01:00

Already done by Monday, but today is the first day I have time for adding a post here.
Took me long enough, but finally Suit Guy POV of 'bend me, break me' is sent out to all the members of my FGB team!

I've emailed all of you, but very few have gotten back to me about receiving the file. Please do so that I can check everyone off my list and return to writing! THANK YOU!!

ABD Chapter 27 notes

2011-02-05T20:51:00.000+01:00

posted at

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/27

http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=27

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-27

Finally, after three months of almost no updates, ABD is back! And bound to stay until the very end!

Not much to say about the content of the chapter. Guess it's pretty self-explanatory.

People have asked me a few times now how long the story will be going on from here, and, well, I think I have a more or less reliable answer for you now!

My initial plan was to write the story about as long as the first part, but stepping away from the craziness (and working on the prequel!) has made me rethink my tentative outline. I don't want to drag the story on beyond the point where plot and character development eventually stop, and while the end isn't exactly around the corner, it's closer than I expected when I stopped writing for a little while in November.

My guestimate is that ABD will end with roughly 40 chapters total, which, considering my usual chapter length, means you still have a delicious 100-120k of words ahead of you! I might write a few outtakes of things where I could have written more but didn't for the sake of keeping the already long fic from growing end- and pointless. I'm happy to take suggestions, but you might want to wait for that until you see "THE END" under the last line of the last chapter. Our brave heroes still have part of the journey ahead of them! Don't forget that the first 10 chapters were short ones.

I hope I can keep updating regularly. As I am typing this, my fingers are aching from a week of productiveness, and my pre-readers are right now drooling over chapter 34.

I won't lie, I don't want to let the characters go, but I'm a strong believer in ending things before they grow stale. I want to write something else besides ABD; in fact, plotting for my next multi-chapter story is far enough advanced that I "see" the characters inside my mind already. They want out, and my need to unleash them upon the fandom is growing with every day. Don't worry, you've still got another 12-15 chapters left to read, the whole prequel of about the same length, and I hope that by the time ABD ends, you'll be happy to embrace my new set of characters with open arms. We'll always have more outtakes ;)

That's it from me this week - hope you enjoyed reading the chapter!

A Kinky Reading List

2011-01-27T09:33:00.000+01:00

I've wanted to compile this for a while - and as people keep asking for it, here I give you my own advice for a reading list for anyone wanting to know more about BDSM (whether for theoretical or practical reasons).

Books
There are a lot of books on the topic out there - just check the "Health, Body & Mind - Sex - Alternative" section of amazon's book lists - and I'd like to introduce my own favorites.

- Jay Wiseman - SM 101: A Realistic Introduction

- Philip Miller & Molly Devon - Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism

- Janet Hardy & Dossie Easton - The New Topping Book & The New Bottoming Book

These are all more or less advice books - so no stories, all information! I love them all, and if you're even remotely interested to know more, buy them! They've helped my own journey a lot.

I also love this DIY book -

- Douglas Kent - The Better Built Bondage Book

for either hand-crafting your own toys, or just for leafing through it and getting inspired.

Internet - Information
www.bondage.com
About the only site I usually send people to - it is a dating site, too, but the advice columns and forums are a very extensive pool of knowledge for everyone who's looking for some information. If you don't fill out your profile chances are very good that no one seeking to hook up will ever contact you, but you need a profile to use the search option of the forums.
Like with every forum online, please look if your topic of interest was already discussed before you open a new one. Usually the people there are very nice and respectful (but of course every community has its jerks), but if you're the 3rd newbie in a row to open the very same topic that has been discussed a hundred times already, you might get a rude rebuke instead of a warm welcoming. I don't think I have to explain that, seeing as it's the same in all forums all over the web. Just added this because a while ago someone got back to me, telling me they found the people there rude when she read how they had reacted to a seemingly harmless question.

You can of course use the site also to look for people with common interests, but please always remember - if you date anyone you met online, there are safety precautions you should adhere to. Most books about BDSM cover that topic extensively - I personally would not advise you to go hunting for your next Dom or sub online, but to look for the nearest BDSM community in your area and take it from there.

In you're looking for more sites, adding terms like "community" or "information" to the term "BDSM" in google might help you find something other than just porn.

Internet - Fics
www.bdsmlibrary.com
A wonderful site for all manners of fetish fics - but you might also find more there than you were looking for, so check the story summaries and codes before you dive in, and don't hesitate to close the browser window and skip to the next story if you find out one wasn't the one you were looking for.

I'll put up a link to this post in the blog side bar so that you can find it later without problems!

BMBM SuitGuyPOV finished

2011-01-18T12:21:00.000+01:00

or as good as done!
At least the writing part is finished, which at nearly 44k words is definitely the mammoth part of the project! What still needs to be done is proofreading and editing, and I have to write the personal note to the wonderful members of my awesome Fandom Gives Back team, who have been more than patient with me!

I hope I manage to have everything wrapped up until the weekend so I can send you your story, finally! I'm so sorry that it took me so long to finish, but the bastard shut up on me for months, and the fic deserved to be written at 120% capacity so I didn't force it and waited until writing started flowing a week ago again.

What does that mean for the rest of avid, impatient readers out there?
As I promised before, I will post the story on FFn and TWCS two months after I've sent it to my FGB team members.
I'm not being mean withholding it from you, those were the terms of the auction. If for some reason you missed the FGB auction, or haven't been reading my stuff back then, you can still donate at the FGB / Alex's Lemonade Stand and email me the confirmation, and I'll include you in the team and send you the story with the others. I'm happy to explain the details to you (also if you're not familiar with the Fandom Gives Back author auctions), again, I'm not making any money with this, just helping to raise it for a good cause.

If you have questions, please write me at daria.chenowith@gmail.com, you'll get the story from our team email, teamBMBM@gmail.com

I won't participate in the next round of FGB author auctions, simply because my writing drive is too stupid for this to work. I was so sure I would manage to be on time this round, and you all know what happened. I still encourage all of you to join and donate! (you can always donate, even outside of the auction weeks!)

Nomination at The Twinklings Walk of Fame Awards

2011-01-16T17:59:00.000+01:00

I'm happy to tell you that both I as a writer and 'A Beautiful Disaster' as a story have been nominated for The Twinklings Walk of Fame Awards!

Here's the direct link to the voting site!

Of course I won't ask you to vote for me, but if you happen to find me and/or the story as your favorite in the respective categories (Danger Diva & Delicious Domme), please, by all means, go ahead! May the best writer and stories win!

O/s: From Ex With Love

2011-01-16T17:39:00.000+01:00

From Ex With Love, a juicy little Bella / Jasper o/s, written for my friend C's birthday!
Summary: I knew something was wrong the moment I stepped out of the car into the cold night, sliding my glove covered fingers from the valet's gentle grasp. Call it woman's intuition, if you will, but I had long ago learned the hard way to trust my gut. AH/OOC

Posted at:
FFn: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6644514/1/From_Ex_With_Love
TWCS: http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=3951

I know that not all of you are fans of this pairing, but you know how out of character I usually write, and except for some of the physical attributes those two don't share anything with the twi characters. I wouldn't even go as far as calling this story fanfic, but instead a smutty little 9k long tale with characters who, for whatever reason, happen to have the names Isabella and Jasper. Enjoy!

ABD Chapter 26 notes

2010-12-24T18:58:00.000+01:00

posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/26
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=26
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-26

Merry Christmas!
And if you wonder about the picture - this is a Christmas tree found at one of Vienna's number one sight-seeing places. It has been a reason for constant amusement for me for days now!

As for this chapter's blog note - I have a few stories to pimp, a few things to explain, and not really much to say about the chapter as I think it, ah, speaks for itself!

Let's start with the pimping!!

As you all know, I've had the joy of being judge for the Dommella's Dungeon contest. I'd like to say a few words about these three stories that definitely deserve more attention than they got so far!

#3 - The Ultimate Submission, by aliasnumberfive
I don't think it's a secret that I have a thing for threesomes. I also have a thing for unique characters and well written, intelligent stories, so it's a given that I love this delicious little Edward / Bella / Carlisle morsel! Hot and juicy, well paced and gripping to the last line, what's not to love?
The only thing that made me uneasy was just how blindly devoted Edward is to Bella, but that's me. It works well in the context of the story, though, and I wouldn't mind knowing more about all of them!

#2 - Supremacy, by DragonMama26
This co-op fic had me at the first paragraph, and it kept me well entertained from start to finish! One of the few fics written from the Domme's POV I enjoyed its quirkiness a lot - the only thing I didn't like was that with all the promising kink mentioned, the resolution was too 'nilla for my taste. But that's really just a tiny flaw, and the characters definitely make up for it!
There's a second chapter online already, so if you might be wishing for more, seems like you get it!

#1 - Crouching Painslut, Hidden Strapon, by prassacut
I spewed coke at my laptop's screen when I read the title; the first paragraph had me want to beg on my knees to be this Bella's plaything; and it just got better and better from there on. Besides the humor that's pouring out of the story, I love it for one thing especially - it feels real. No wonder, as it's written by someone who knows what BDSM is about. And I'm not talking the 5 strokes is punishment fluff that fanfic is full of - I'm talking about the real deal. It's very rare to encounter that, and for this alone you all should take a look at it.

I won't lie, it's probably more than many can (or want to, at least) deal with, and while I love the Domme's 'voice', the fic isn't 100% grammatically clean. then again it's written by a French with the help of a German with beta help from an American, I've read a lot of stories by native speakers that haven't reached this standard. It's a great story and deserves to be read - and reviewed!

I also enjoyed reading most of the other entries - all except one, to be honest, but I won't say anything more here than that the result of the public vote was neither a surprise, nor anything I can personally understand. It was a great contest and some great stories came from it, we always get darkness where there is light.

Now on to the second part of this post - a few comments I feel I owe you, or can't keep from you.

First and foremost, I'm still blown away by the TON of feedback and reviews I got for chapter 25. I have to admit, I expected that for once we'd make it past the 45 reviews mark, but I didn't think it would get past 60. I stopped counting at 200, and that was in November, so, yeah, guess that speaks for itself! Again, THANK YOU!!

Now if you've been following my fb ramblings (between my zynga games addiction that I'm trying to fight right now), you might have seen that I've been very reluctant to post this chapter. Not because of the chapter itself, but because of the whole posting / waiting for feedback / waiting for more feedback but getting disappointed because it never comes dynamic. Trust me, I wish I could just stop caring, but I guess for that I would have to swap writing fanfic for writing stories for publishing entirely.

Also, posting on Dec 24th is the best way not to get any feedback at all because I expect many will read this chapter during the whole holiday madness, and won't find time to review or say thanks. In a way that's a convenient excuse for me, too - but my main reason for posting it is that I know I have so many great readers that I think you all deserve a present from me in return for your loyalty. I hope you enjoy it!

I've been unexpectedly busy writing in November and December - chapter 27 is complete and 28 a good way in; I also dropped my NaNoWriMo project after a week and instead wrote the first 50k words of the HBR prequel that I've wanted to write for ages now - so in 2011 you'll get to read a lot!
Yet just writing for 7 weeks without any interruption, without any expectations except for what my pre-readers say has been a great experience for me, one that I wouldn't have minded keeping up for another month or two. I admit, if not for Christmas I wouldn't have posted anything before February very likely. Writing has become such a slave labor for me since I started ABD, it was great to shrug all that off and just enjoy the process without anything interfering - I might just jump on that wagon again for a few more weeks.

What does that mean for you? For one, you have a happy writer, which usually means more chapters churned out with better quality in less time. It also means that once I post, updates will be plenty and regular as I just need to upload them one after the other, leaving time in between for review replies and long blog notes. I also have a lot on my plate university and job-wise in Jan/Feb, so I might not have time to write at all. I think a 2 months break and weekly updates afterwards are more rewarding for all of us - and with the prequel you'd even get two chapters a week from me. Deal?

Writing the prequel as been a fun experience - I'll go into more detail when I post it in a few weeks, but suffice it to say, it has made me think a lot about all of the characters. It has also influenced my view on ABD a bit - and I've decided to write a different ending to this story after all. Don't worry, there are still many chapters to be written - just not as many as was my original plan. But even good stories need to come to an end, and I won't drag it out just because I could write more, theoretically. So many of the long twi fics have long outlived themselves, I don't want my story to become one of them. As it is, I expect ABD to be roughly as long as HBR - about 40 chapters, between 300-400k words long. We're at 160k now, considering the shorter length of the first few chapters I'd say that's between 2/5 and 1/2 done.

Someone asked a while ago if I was still planning on writing any outtakes - the answer is no, but that doesn't mean there won't be any. The prequel will address a lot of the possible side o/s you might be wishing for, I also plan to add a few ideas to the main story of ABD, and I already promised one "what if" after I'm done. I'm open to suggestions, though!

I still haven't finished SuitGuyPOV of BMBM for my FGB team - which troubles me a lot, but the bastard just won't talk!! I haven't forgotten about it, though, the same as a few more chapters for Velvet & Chains, my other kinky fic. Fact is, I need ABD done, and the sooner I get that off my to-write list, the better.

Now all that's left for me is to wish you all Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

UPDATED - Beta Help Wanted!

2010-11-17T12:11:00.001+01:00

Thanks everyone who offered - no longer seeking, now it's mostly a matter of choosing and getting to work. Initial blog post below, because I'm lame like that ;)

After months of doing my proofreading and editing all by myself, I have decided that I need help again! I need a beta!!

Now, what exactly am I looking for?
Someone to help me with grammar, typos, and all the fine details between my Austrian high school English and what people actually talk. I don't need someone to help me with plotting my chapters. It's really just the clean-up work.

Your prerequisites:
You're good with grammar. No shit.
You have time - as much as I think everyone who helps 5 writers with their 9 stories is great - I need someone who can get back to me within a few days, let's say 2-3. If you're already working 3 jobs and have barely enough time to keep up with reading the emails your mom sends you, please don't apply.
You need to be dependable. I'm not looking for someone to clean up my next two chapters, but preferably all of what is left of ABD, and if possible the HBR prequel, too.
You probably should have read my fics, and for your sake it would be good if you can handle what I write ;)

Of course I will mention you in my A/Ns (and should I forget, please kick me in the ass. Ass kicking is part of your job!), you'll get to read what I write in advance of everyone else, and of course you'll get to know more about what I'm planning for the story along the progress of working on the chapters, as I sometimes need help with fine-tuning any foreshadowing comments or events. But the main focus should be on the proofreading and helping me improve my writing work, so please don't raise your hand now just because you want to get the inside scope.
I'm not adverse to having more than one beta, either. I can be a productive bitch sometimes, spreading the work load is always a good option to cope with bouts of inspiration.
I promise that everything I send you to look at will be at the standard I post right now - I try to catch everything I can myself before I ask for expert help.

Thanks! Please email me at daria.chenowith@gmail.com, PM me on FFn or leave me a comment here or on FB, just make sure I can get back to you somehow!

Copy of the ABD ch25 A/N

2010-11-01T17:05:00.000+01:00

For anyone who hasn't read it yet - below the cut. I out it up here to clean up the story again.

Surprise!

I guess wanting to write this chapter for more than 16 months now made me write it real quick – it pretty much flowed except for two small blocks and a handful of rewrites (although from a technical point of few it was HARD to make the words cooperate). But before I can let you read about what all of you should have been waiting for since HBR chapter 26, I have a few things to say on my behalf.

FIRST: THE SOAPBOX

Right now I'm not in a happy place.

Writing should be enjoyable. It is. What I have problems with is posting this story. In a way I think I should never have started ABD – but to resolve everything in HBR would have made an already endless story even longer, and I figured a break was needed. Also, I think my blog note explanations and simply showing you what BDSM is really about is important. More often than not it's the only thing that makes me hit the 'submit' button that will hopefully let an update notification flutter into your inbox.

I'm clearly not made for the medium that is fanfiction, not in the way I have to handle this story. For me it's a 'write what you know' turned nightmare thing at times – not because I get bashed, although that sucks when it (very occasionally) happens – but because so many offhand remarks that I presume are just that also hurt. As does the very steady decline of feedback or comments I get.

Yes, I'm whining again. Suck it up. This is important to me.

What I resent the most are the "but this can't happen because they are Edward and Bella!" comments. I know, writing fanfic means you're never working with your own characters. I think I hit a good balance between incorporating traits of the original characters into people who are in themselves somewhat unique. It takes a lot of work to balance that – and every time I hear that blasted sentence it's like a slap in my face because it is so obviously not important to whoever says that what the characters with their flaws and their past want, do, or need – why not stay with reading 'Twilight' for the 10000th time if you don't want anything else to happen? I just don't get it.

And the other thing is the aforementioned steady decline of attention my story (and I) receive. I'm not just talking stats – but after the 5th 'I didn't review the last chapters because they made me so uncomfortable/they sucked' comment a writer just starts to tear her hair out. It takes 5 seconds to type 'thank you' – and about 15 mins to create a whole new online identity with email, Ffn account, facebook and twitter – I know, because my birth certificate doesn't have the name Daria on it, and still I'm here, right? If what I write makes you uncomfortable, maybe we should talk about that? If what I write appeals to you in any way or just makes you curious, why not tell me? Writers are like puppies, they need attention and love or they turn into insufferable brats with social disorders.

Also, my mother taught me that if someone makes you a gift or shares something with you that they are really ecstatic about, you should give a little something back. 'Thank you' goes a very long way.

And don't get me started on the 'I always read on the phone and cannot login to leave a review' – I spent about 30 hours just writing and editing this chapter, on a computer, you can hunt one down for 5 minutes, too. And I think most phones that let you read whole chapters let you send emails, too, if the sites for whatever reason hate your brand of phone.

I love writing, it's something that has been an integral part of my life since April 4th, 1996, and will likely stay that way forever. I only write fanfic since February 2009, maybe it's time for me to turn my back on it and move on to a forum that doesn't rid me of my sleep for days at a time. I hate all forms of elitist restrictions – like moving this whole fling to a closed off LJ community – I mean there is a good reason why I post the story to one of the largest online communities that deal with fanfic and don't guard my chapters or stories from unwanted eyes. But as a writer who is deeply invested in her story and characters (and trust me, them living inside my head makes me the most invested of us all) I also feel like I want to share the enthusiasm and joy the telling of this story brings me with the people who appreciate it – and not just anyone.

I'm now going to step off my soap box and head to bed – it's 2:30am, I have to get up at 6, and this is going to be a long, long day. If you felt at least a little bit excited about getting the update notice for the story you might want to consider leaving me something that sends a similar notice to my inbox to share some of the feeling. (hint: it might start with 'thank' and end with 'you' – or just :) - whatever you prefer. And yes, it matters, even if it seems like a tiny gesture to you only.)

Plus I think there is no page on this chapter that doesn't invite comments.

Thank you for your attention. I'm sorry I bored you with this, but it needed out for a long, long time. With any luck we can resolve this issue once and for all. I know a steady 50 people already work hard on that each and every update. Or maybe they just refresh the page 40 times? Who knows. Although if that's the case, please make a video of it and send me the link, because this I really have to see! It would also end my fretting once the 49th review comes in. Someone is always on vacation and can't read ;)

Contest News & NaNoWriMo

2010-10-30T16:48:00.000+02:00

News on the Dommella's Dungeon Contest!!

As you all know, I'm part of the judges panel for the contest - and our lovely host has decided to extend the deadline for entries until November 14th, 11:59 EST!

That means you have another 2 weeks to hit us with your most deliciously evil Dommes out there! Get a-writing!

FFn page: http://www.fanfiction.net/~dommellasdungeon

And as we're already talking about writing - NaNoWriMo starts in less than 2 days on November 1st, 00:00 of your time zone!!

I'm really excited about this year's NaNo, and if any of you even consider doing this - sign up (it's free!), and add me as a writing buddy!!

The official homepage is here: http://www.nanowrimo.org/

You can find my personal page there here: http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/518408

and my NaNo blog here: http://dc2010nanowrimo.blogspot.com/

It's 'only' 50k words a month - that's doable! It's like a marathon, being part of it is the goal - and if you only make it part of the way that's still a whopping 10 or 30k words, more than most people write in their entire lives!

On other things -
I haven't forgotten that I still owe you a note for chapter 25 of ABD, I also haven't gotten round to replying to all reviews yet (and I'm still stunned about the sheer number of them! woot!), and I'm way overdue with finishing SG POV for my FGB Team - but I hope I can wrap that up along the way of NaNo writing and contest entry reading, so that come December my plate is mostly free for ABD (and a side project or two, because I cannot not multitask and be mired in deadlines!)

ABD Chapter 24 Notes

2010-10-16T22:09:00.000+02:00

posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/24
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-24
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=24

A few personal things I feel I need to share, and the usual Q&A you’ll find below the cut - and please also read the blog post before this one about how BDSM works in reality, contrary to what some of you might have read in fics online.

If you’re following me on facebook you probably already know - my life is pretty busy right now, and because I hate to let anyone wait in anticipation all the time I’m going to take a break from writing ABD for a while - a short, very defined while, mind you.

As you all know, I’ve already had to break my weekly posting schedule because too much was going on, and it’s not going to get any better. Writing is my outlet to take a break from everyday craziness, I don’t want it to be something I feel stressed by - which it is if I try to adhere to a schedule. And it’s not like I’m going to take a break from writing altogether!

November is approaching fast, and like last year I’m going to join NaNoWriMo again to write an original novel of at least 50k words in 30 days. Actually I’m aiming for 100k until Christmas, and I’m really excited about this project. But it takes time away from writing ABD - time I really want to take to concentrate on something else. I’m kind of sick of writing fanfic as it is right now, and even though the ABD guys and girls are as OOC as they get, they still ARE twi characters, and I want to write something completely original. Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon enough - but the story and characters really deserve my full attention, and I think both will profit from me taking a break for a few weeks. I didn’t really plan to leave you all with the cliffhanger as it is - but I have to admit, the evil bitch in me is quite satisfied about the coincidence.

I also have another writing project I really have to finish - Suit Guy POV of Bend Me, Break Me for my FGB Team. Initially I planned to deliver the story at the end of the auction, but then life got in the way, and since then writing the story has been a veritable pain in the butt. And unlike some other projects I cannot rush this - it has to be perfect, and perfection takes time. I’m more than halfway done with it, it’s getting quite long so the long wait will be worth it in regards to some extra material - and hopefully quality wise, too!

And last but not least, in November I will hopefully have a lot of contest entries for the Dommella’s Dungeon contest to read and judge - if you haven’t started yours yet, you still have until Oct. 31st to enter! Please do so, I’m longing to read some hot, steamy, well-written smut!

Knowing me, two days after I put ABD into the virtual drawer to rest until I’m done with everything else I will run into massive writer’s block that will get me writing my beloved kinksters anyway, so, who knows, maybe you’ll get chapter 25 sooner than I expect. But I’ll have it ready for you all as a Christmas present the latest, promise!

Now on to my personal favorite moment of writing the notes - the Q&A!

1. Safewords. What are yours? Do you follow a simple stoplight system or do you have something more creative?
Green, Yellow, Red. When I have to use them I hope I’m no longer coherent enough for creativity lol but they are universal and short, and are easy to utter even when gagged. Perfect IMHO, and everyone knows what’s going on if I use them.

2. When you safeword, is it usually for emotional reasons, or physical reasons? I know you have a high pain tolerance, but where is enough, enough?
Both. It really depends on the scene and how I feel that day; but I think I use a safeword more often for emotional reasons because I don’t get too many cramps of late. Having a high pain tolerance just means my Dom hits me harder, so that’s not a real excuse - pain he intends to inflict, how bad it might be, is never a reason for me to safeword, and we’ve played together so often that we can judge each other’s limits well enough. I only safeword if I feel like something is really wrong or unintentionally painful. We don’t really do that much testing of limits anymore than we used to.

3. In the playroom, what does your Dom call you? (you mentioned this on your facebook and it made me curious.)
Slut, bitch, whore, endearing terms like that. I know something is really wrong when he calls me by my name, and if I’m suddenly his ‘pet’ I can start begging and pleading for his forgiveness right away lol

A note on Real Life BDSM

2010-10-16T21:40:00.000+02:00

As you all know, one of my reasons for writing HBR and ABD is so I can give you a few glimpses into my world - and I feel that of late we’ve breached a lot of new ground for many people. At least from what feedback I got I see that people are confused, and try to make up their mind about where what I write fits into what they ‘know’. Maybe I can shed a little light on some things - how they really are in BDSM.

To make things easier on me I will write this from a male Dom / female sub POV, but obviously everything I say is applicable to any kind of gender combination.

The most important thing first:
Everything that happens in a D/s relationship is consensual. ANYTHING that is not 100% consensual is NOT BDSM. No one is every forced, coerced, or talked into this. No one goes into it blindly, and without having reason aplenty to trust the other one. Anything else is abuse and rape, and should never be referred to as BDSM.

How a D/s relationship works
You always have to keep in mind that almost everything in BDSM is roleplaying. So most things are not quite as they seem at a first glance.
One of the most persistent wrong ideas that I encounter is that a D/s relationship is one-sided. In fact, it is the most equal kind of relationship that I know. On the outside it might look as if everything happens because it’s the Dom’s will, that he demands, orders, and the sub has to obey, give regardless of whether she really wants to or not. He is selfish, she is selfless.

This is not the case.

Now why do Doms do what they do? Obviously, we are all selfish creatures when it comes to sex and gratification. And there are no exceptions to this. Yes, a Dom enjoys being in control; he enjoys putting his sub through her paces. But the real reason why he does what he does is because he is indulging his sub’s needs. He does what he does because he knows she wants this, needs this, and he is one of the very few people who can help her live her fantasies. Also, with her he can embrace this side of him that he can’t otherwise. It’s mutually beneficial for both of them - and that’s why it’s never one-sided, and never abusive.

There are also many myths and misconceptions out there around the proper behavior of both Dom and sub. Let’s take a closer look at them, shall we?
The accusation I got the most for my Edward, time and again, is that he is cruel. While that may be true, I don’t see that as a bad thing as most people seem to imply. As a Dom, he has a role to play that is pretty rigid. Controlling, in control (and that’s not the same), harsh, strict, inapproachable, possessive. He is acting like that because a) it is how he sees himself as Dom, and b) because it is the kind of Dom Bella wants him to be. Of course not all Doms act like that - but 95% are harsh, unforgiving assholes in their role, and they act exactly how their subs want them to act!!
What some readers expect is kindness and gentle caresses - probably because they miss that in their own relationship s- but this is NOT what the role model Dom is acting like. Not what most subs expect of them. A sub knows that her Dom respects the hell out of her. That he cherishes her for who she is, what she is, what she does and what she gives to him - but part of his role is that he doesn’t show it during play.
Another thing I feel many people are surprised about is that he indeed likes inflicting pain. And not just the amount of pain he knows Bella’s brain is able to write off as pleasure. You all know what part of the BDSM acronym stands for - sadism and masochism. And yes, a sadist likes to inflict real pain. But not to just anyone - and as a responsible Dom he’d only ever do anything like that to a receptive masochist who can and does appreciate it (and him!) for what it is. Most Doms I know have at least a sadistic streak. None ever shied away from physically punishing me when needed.
Now you might ask yourself, how does a Dom know how much pain a sub can take (for it to be still pleasurable, or bearable at all) - the answer is simple. She has to show and tell him firsthand how much she wants, likes, or can stand. Trial and error is your friend, baby - and you always have to remember, a sub who agrees to do some pain play wants it and enjoys it, even when it hurts. Else she wouldn’t agree to it!

Now let’s move on the the submissive. Like the Dom, the sub has to play a role. She has to obey, she has to put aside her own needs and indulge his; she is the passive part of the duo, she is the one on the receiving end. But like the people they are, submissives come in many flavors. Some love being selfless and will aim to read every wish from their Dom’s eyes, take everything that comes willingly, openly. Others are more into being made to submit, being dragged and pushed every step along the way - but really love that while they might pretend to protest. Some even like to provoke and ‘deserve’ whatever is in store for them. In a way, a sub has way more liberty in how to act than a Dom.

But it all comes down to one essential thing - and this is really important. BDSM is ALWAYS what you WANT it to be. What you NEGOTIATE. What you AGREE on before you start playing. And trust me when I tell you that really everything is up for discussion. EVERYTHING.

About trust:
One thing I have heard a lot of late is that some of you feel they never could trust someone as much as a sub needs to trust her Dom, and vice versa. Of course in HBR & ABD Bella and Edward are in a very close and strong romantic relationship besides the D/s level - but while those feelings have helped them in the beginning and further their open communication, they have just as often been an obstacle. Some people don’t even want to be romantically involved with those they play because they believe that the kind of brutal honesty required is not possible in a romantic relationship. I disagree, but it certainly is a challenge.

The trust that is required is the same trust we all have in authority figures and professionals - people who have learned their trade and are experienced. Corruption and all such things aside, we trust in politicians to lead our countries. We trust teachers to educate our children. We trust the plumber we call in to take care of the blocked drainage. THIS is the kind of trust a Dom and sub have in each other.
This trust is earned. Reputation and responsibility are two very important things in BDSM. Mostly for the Dom, as he is the active part and the director of the scene. Whatever a Dom does, he always has to be aware that it will reflect on how others perceive him. It is in his best interest that no sub has any reason to call abuse, if he ever wants to find a new partner to play with. Most communities will believe a sub over a Dom when it comes to a conflict, and they are fast to ban people they recognize as predators, to ensure that the community creates and upholds a safe environment for everyone, but in particular for new submissives. Every Dom knows that, and every Dom worth his salt will go to great lengths to ensure that he doesn’t overstep the sub’s limits, that she always knows he respects her and that she is in good hands and safe. That she can trust that he knows what he does, that he has researched and learned the techniques, that he is aware just how much what he does hurts. That he has every minuscule detail planned and has a contingency plan.
But not all the responsibility lies with the Dom alone. It is just as important that the Dom can trust the sub explicitly. A sub has to know her limits and be able to communicate them. Whatever happens, she always has to retain enough awareness to make sure she enforces those limits. That the moment something isn’t right for her, she uses her safeword - the Dom can’t always know if those cries are from appreciated pain or from a suddenly occurring cramp. He can’t know if the mindfuckery is deliciously evil for the sub or if roleplay suddenly turns to real horror in her mind. But he can - in fact he has to - trust that she WILL stop him should things take a turn for the worst. That she will never suck it up and hesitate for whatever reason - not to hurt his feelings, not to feel stupid herself. But at the same time, he also has to trust that she will never abuse her safeword in turn. Safewords are for accidents - not so the sub can get out of an uncomfortable situation. A responsible sub knows that she has to keep all that in mind - and will do so, unless she wants to get kicked out just as fast as an abusive Dom.

Accidents happen.
There is no way to eliminate them completely, and considering what most people do in their playrooms they happen more frequently than any of us want them to. Safety is a great issue in BDSM. Yes, there is a lot of material on that subject out there, books, websites, seminars. A Dom has to know what can go wrong before he even picks up the first rope, ties the first knot. He has to educate himself, has to ask someone to show him how it is done, should probably try it out himself. And he has to be prepared to stop the scene, get the sub out of whatever she is in and administer first aid at any second. For that to work he has to be in control of himself at any given moment. He can never let his guard down, he can never let go completely. Any scene involves a lot more work that it (hopefully) shows to make it successful and enjoyable for the sub, and above all else, safe.
Also, Doms feel terrible when something does happen to their subs in a scene that wasn’t planned. They feel like it is their responsibility to make sure that can’t happen, but as it in fact did happen they have let their sub down. I personally have never blamed a Dom for an accident (even though most often it has his fault, in one way or another, but we’re all human, we are allowed to make mistakes), and none of them have ever just shrugged it off. They have made sure that I’m okay, they have later paid great attention for whatever went wrong not to happen again, and I have seldom felt more pampered than when they’ve tried to make it up to me however they could. All of them were good, responsible guys who were horrified that something could have happened on their watch, while minutes before that they’ve been occupied with making my life hell. This is how it goes.

Punishment
Another subject that keeps coming up is pain. As I said before, most Doms are into pain play. Pain, like very few other things, is a very powerful instrument. Also, it’s something very out of our ordinary lives as far as giving and receiving it goes. What I hear a lot is that most of my readers are not into it and have a lot of problems understanding how anyone can perceive it as pleasurable.
Have you ever received a light erotic spanking?
Having your ass slapped by hand is in very few occasions actually painful, and in most women the regular rhythm actually furthers natural lubrication. It also draws the focus to where it should be in sex - if you can appreciate the sensation, that is. But in any way, 5, or even 30, spanks are laughable. They are never punishment. They are not even ‘punishment’. I wish people would stop writing shit like this.

As far as I am concerned, there are two kinds of punishment. One is a consequence for a breach of rules - the other a sort of chastisement that is not always really deserved but part of the play. What I mean when I say punishment is the former - when the sub fucks up, breaks the rules (deliberately or not), there have to be consequences as the BDSM relationship is set up to work like that. This kind of punishment is never meant to be enjoyable - for neither the sub nor the Dom. It also should be something exceptional - and something that leaves an impression. For instance, if you have a sub who has a high pain tolerance, just whipping her will not really get the message across as it’s just an extrapolation of what they usually do anyway. But maybe ignoring her, or treating her like a petulant little coddled girl instead of the confident painslut she is used to being perceives as might just do the trick. Still, she can - and is expected to - use her safeword when things get too much.

Using safewords never has any repercussions. Every Dom and sub knows that. As I said before, the sub is required to be honest about it and never abuse that safety net - it’s like the emergency stop on a train and should be handled with about as much care.
Still, just to communicate her misgivings a sub doesn’t need to use her safeword. She can just approach her Dom and tell him - respectfully if they are still playing, frankly outside of the scene - what rubs her the wrong way. Maybe it is something that was intended by the Dom and will thus be ignored (although he will tell her not to worry as he is aware of her predicament, whatever it is) - maybe it was something he really didn’t know and will of course make sure to stop it from happening or adjust the surrounding circumstances. He will never be cross with the sub for speaking up - he can’t read minds and consequently relies on her to provide what he can’t know himself. In fact, sometimes a Dom might even push a sub until she uses her safeword so they both know exactly how far he can go - and what is too far. I personally don’t think of that as irresponsible - unless she has explicitly expressed that she doesn’t want that to happen, ever. After all he will expect her to stop him and act accordingly to make her feel comfortable and safe as fast as possible again.

Sub drop and aftercare
We’ve had the topic of sub drop twice in the story already - it is something that actually happens a lot more than most of you probably think. I think I cried after more than half of my first handful of scenes, and none of them were even remotely too much for me on a physical level. Sometimes the mind just can’t handle things - and it is incredibly elevating and relieving to just let go and let yourself be caught and comforted. Because that’s what a responsible Dom does once a scene has ended - provide whatever the sub needs to ‘come back’ to herself. Hugs, kisses, cookies, jokes, a steady shoulder to lean on - whatever kind of comfort is required. As much as most subs don’t want their Doms acting concerned or caring inside the scene, once it’s over they appreciate getting pampered. And, quite frankly, most Doms I know are gentlemen, old fashioned ‘read every wish from her eyes’ kind of guys. Maybe because they really DO appreciate what the sub is offering - maybe because they have an outlet for their ‘dark’ side so they can in turn indulge the other half of themselves outside of the playroom - maybe because you have to be that kind of responsible person to be a Dom - maybe to give something back for having received the gift of her submission.
More often than not, psychological aftercare is more important than physical. it might be nice if someone rubs the kinks out of your back muscles after you’ve been in suspension bondage for the last hour, but it is not that important. Just feeling close to her Dom and appreciated for what she has endured is way more important for a sub. For the length of the scene she has been a sub, now she is a person again and will be treated accordingly.
Yet if there is need for any kind of physical aftercare, a responsible Dom will administer it. I might not always write the full extent of that but I hope I have made it abundantly clear that this is always the case in what I write.

Play parties
As for proper behavior at a play party you can just go back an re-read the two chapters - I’ve pretty much summed up my own experience.
A play party is foremost a party, a social gathering of like-minded people. Like with every other event of that kind everyone is expected to be polite and respectful and don’t act like an ass. Usually, everything is very casual - everyone should feel welcome and at home.
Obviously, some people will act ‘in role’ while they are there, and that should be respected - but at the same time everyone can expect of them to be respected when they are not acting like that. Mostly for those who do act as Dom or sub so-and-so there it is an extension of their personal roleplay, between everyone who has previously agreed to be included in that scene (although to outstanding people it might not be obvious that they are playing right then). No one will look weirdly at a naked slave, only clad in a collar, kneeling at her Master’s feet, nor will they think that he’s a controlling idiot for making her do that. Yet at the same time, no one will reprimand a player - sub nor Dom - who is not currently playing for not acting according to their chosen role but speaking their mind openly and honestly.

In short - not all scenes start with one partner kneeling in the playroom and the other closing the playroom door. Not all scenes only include two people. But no one who is not included in an ongoing scene has anything to do with the participants, not is it their place to reprimand or judge the players. I’m explaining that because someone asked me about it - in the concrete example it was about a group of people at a play party talking, none of them were playing, and the sub spoke freely, whereas she was then reprimanding by the attending Doms and her Dom was shunned for letting her act like that. This, quite frankly, is bullshit. No one would ever do that at a play party. If she’s not acting as a sub she is not playing, but it simply an attending woman who happens to have an interest in being a sexual submissive but who is at that moment not playing this role, and will thus be regarded as a ‘neutral attending person at a party’. Sorry for the stocky phrasing but I don’t know how else to explain it. Unless you are playing in an active scene, no one will see you as a sub or Dom or whatever.

And last but not least - orgasm denial.
I was a little taken aback by how many people griped about that in the last chapters. Then I started thinking where this fluke was coming from, and realized that inadvertently I have breached the ‘standard BDSM perception’ topic yet again without even realizing it.
Between you an me, let’s be honest, how often a week do you have sex? How often do you have an orgasm?
I hate it when I have to go a week without sex but even without not being allowed to I don’t always come when I have sex, particularly outside of play. But this isn’t normal sex - this is BDSM. And whether you like it or not, you have to realize that BDSM is not just about sex. In fact, sometimes BDSM is not even sex.

Now what do I mean with that?
Sex is about simply sexual gratification. BDSM is about assuming a role, acting according to that, giving and receiving pain and pleasure, hours spent doing many fun and unspeakable things - but really, getting off is the least important part of it. Nearly everyone can get off on their own very very fast without even needing any toys. But you need an experienced Dom to hang you head first from the ceiling, whip you until your back resembles a red colored public transport map, make you beg and cry and moan and scream - and of course you appreciate having an orgasm after all that, but you’re in it for the parts you cannot achieve on your own - not the stupid orgasm.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my Os like the next woman. I get off a lot, and I masturbate a lot if I’m not forbidden from doing so - when I’m bored, when I feel like it, before I go to sleep, when I watch/read/write porn - but none of these orgasms can compare to what happens to my mind and body when we play. Quite frankly, I play because I need to get off that way, but it’s not the orgasm itself I crave, it’s the whole experience, and most of it is directly linked to submitting to the guy who loves to be in control of me.

I hate not being allowed to masturbate, and I go crazy when I’m not allowed to come for extended amounts of time. Yet for me, like for every other submissive, it is always worth it to hold out and wait for my Dom’s approval. I have caved before, and not only did that orgasm feel even inferior to normal lame masturbating, it made me feel guilty and sick of my own weakness. Because I want my Dom to be in control of me, I want his praise and do what he commands, and absolutely nothing is worth breaching that trust he has in me to obey.

Being denied a climax is like being denied food when you have to get your blood taken the next day - you’re instantly extremely hungry and can think of nothing else. And there you have the reason why Doms use orgasm denial as a tool (and do so very often in RL BDSM!!) - it’s the easiest way to turn a sub into a constantly wet, willing, wanton slut who will virtually do everything to receive release. It’s a great way for her to show that she is in fact submitting to him; it makes her feel owned, makes her feel his, and trust me, that’s a very powerful and appreciated feeling for both partners. It also turns her drab life into a living sexualized hell (that is so delicious although it’s frustrating) - and when she finally gets that release she so desperately needs it will be a hell of a climax, a lot stronger and more satisfying that otherwise achievable.

So the take-away message from this is: You cannot equate this kind of orgasm denial to the frustration you feel when your partner is unable to sexually satisfy you. But at the same time, it’s just a simple tool of many used by a Dom who likes to spice things up. The BDSM equivalent of having sex on the kitchen floor, or eating steak on Monday when Monday is usually pasta day.

Extra brownie points for everyone who has made it this far - many people write shorter chapters than I write notes ;) I hope you learned something new today, if I’m lucky I could also clear up a few misconceptions or clarify things.

The most important thing, really, I cannot stress it enough, is that BDSM is consensual and mutually beneficial, ALWAYS. Romantically involved couples do this because they both love each other and love making the other feel so good as only they can. In a strong and healthy D/s relationship there is no coercion, there is no ‘oh I really hate this but I suffer through it for him but secretly hate it’ - in the end, all roleplaying aside, both partners always do what they do because the LOVE doing it, and love doing it together, as equals who respect each other. It might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it is a wonderful, beautiful thing.

If anyone says anything different, they have no idea what they are talking about. If anyone writes abuse and calls it BDSM, whack them over the head good. There is nothing wrong at all with being into BDSM - for those who participate in it it is a wonderful, natural thing. It is something that lies dormant in them from the start and is awakened and brought into full bloom eventually - no traumatic event can cause it, and it cannot be cured because it is no infliction or disease. And in a perfect world people would stop calling their fantasies BDSM when they are so obviously not that. I’m all for writing whatever you want - but you cannot put a label like this on it when it is not the real thing.

Thank you for your attention!

Immortal Sin Award Nominations!

2010-10-08T07:11:00.000+02:00

Immortal Sin Award Nominations!

I’m ecstatic to tell you all that I learned that two of my stories are up for voting for the Immortal Sin Awards the Darkest Temptation blog is hosting right now!
Voting runs till October 15th, 10pm EST, the winners will be announced on October 22nd!

Dark Like Chocolate - Category: Cut-a-bitch (Best Dark Fem)

Bend me, Break me -
Category: The M-effin Straight Jacket (Craziest Mofo out there)
Category: Oh, No You Den't (Most Creative Way to Turn a Character Dark)
Category: Death Is Only the Beginning (Most Creative Way to Kill a Character)
Category: I Cheered It Death Scene (For the demise of any character that made you jump way-the-hell-up and down, clapping in appreciation)
Category: AH (Best All Human Dark Fic)
Category: The Immortal Sin (Best Overall Dark Fic - Takes the Cheese baby!)

I'm pretty much speechless right now. And obviously I won't tell you to go vote for me, but if you happen to have a few minutes to vote and of the stories in each category find mine to be the best I'd be very grateful!

ABD Chapter 23 Notes

2010-09-26T11:04:00.000+02:00

posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/23
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-23
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=23

This week’s note is mostly answering questions again - I got so many last week, woot! Not much else to say as the chapter is pretty much self explanatory!
Although I scoured the web and also my own (print) magazines I didn’t find any pics that live up to how I envision B & E’s tattoos to look like - guess your own imagination will have to suffice, too! ;)

How similar are the scenes you do to the ones you write or are they watered down?
What I write is watered down - then again I have been playing for over 9 years now, while B’s in it for only 6 months - obviously there has to be a difference here. I also wouldn’t feel comfortable describing a 1:1 RL scene and then have half of my readers go all “but he’s too cruel!! how can he do that!! if he really loved her he would never do that!” in their comments (although one of the last chapters was very close to that already).. I also don’t want to make anyone overtly uncomfortable, so what my characters do is a nice compromise I think we are all happy with.

In one of your notes you said that you where a painslut - does that mean you do not mind/get off slightly at other pain when it is not in a scene? Like when Rose was having the baby and said B would find it easier is that true or is it more to do with settings and environment that let you enjoy it?
It depends on the pain, and the person receiving it. I have a high pain threshold but I think that’s completely unrelated to my brain being able to perceive pain as pleasurable. Some things hurt me like they do everyone else - and I think giving birth is one of them. Rose was just trying to lighten the mood when she said that, because she didn’t want anyone having pity or sympathy with her as that would have made things worse for her.
What I enjoy is erotic or eroticized pain - but it still hurts. That’s something I’ve wanted to stress for a while, just because I enjoy pain that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt a lot; I can also deal with some kinds of pain by trying to put them into an erotic context, or by having sex - but some things just plain hurt. And just because the setting of a scene is great, that doesn’t mean the conversion always works. That’s what safewords are for.

Are you on a no getting off rule? Either from yourself or at all.
No, thankfully not at the moment! But we’ve done both in the past. I don’t really deal well with not being allowed to masturbate (weirdly enough, not being allowed to come at all is less frustrating for me. Then again sex is seldom about getting off for me in general, so I guess it does make sense), and it’s pretty much the first thing that becomes active again when I fuck up or anger my Dom.

Has Edward ever had a male sub? My mind is having a fun time envisioning it.
Yes. I think 2, actually, that he’s been playing with for a while. But only for a few scenes, nothing more than the kinky equivalent of a one-night stand.

You help plan your scenes, don't you? What scene were you most nervous for, and did it turn out to be as scary as you expected?
Yes, I do, although I would love just being left in the dark all the time, but I’m stuck with someone who enjoys eating the same three things all the time, and I suspect wouldn’t mind keeping that practice up with sex, too, if I didn’t, ah, volunteer to be his muse and inspiration sometimes. Yes, I’m selfish like that! lol
I’m generally not nervous about the outcome of something I know will happen - unless he starts improvising ;) things are never as scary as they are in my mind - my mind is a paranoid bitch! What I was most nervous and excited about was our three years anniversary ‘present’, but that turned out great.

One of you formspring questioners asked if you were into edge play to which you answered it depended on each persons definition of edge play. What has been the edgiest thing you've done?
I guess the aforementioned anniversary ‘present’; I still love the three scar lines on my hip. That wasn’t all we did then but those were the deepest cuts that were meant to stay. And yes, I’m deliberately vague because it’s a very personal thing for me.

You say on your author's bio you were a scientist who played with cells. Is this still your job? If not, what do you do now?
It kind of is, I have a master’s degree in molecular biology and recently went back to university to get a second in plant pathology. I’m a nerd. I torture all kinds of cells and bacteria. Sadly I don’t get off on that!

Do you see yourself in BDSM forever? you know, being 85 years old and still getting a spanking? If so, how does something like that work, because you obviously can't be as rough... If not, how will you manage the desires?
Yes, I actually do see myself in BDSM as long as I have someone to be kinky with. Obviously the physical part will get challenging over time, but the spanking I don’t see as so hard to accomplish lol but BDSM is 70% in the head so you don’t need to be all limber and fit to do it. Heck, you don’t even need the guy to have an erection 24/7! ou can always shift it to a more mental thing, which I think we will be doing eventually. Right now I enjoy the rough manhandling, but it’s all about him being in control and me submitting, that doesn’t have to be based on actual rough fucking.
And thank everything that is holy for clamps, vibrators, rope, and wax!

ABD Chapter 22 Notes

2010-09-18T14:21:00.001+02:00

posted at

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/22
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-22
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=22

Not much to say about the chapter - and you already have the other note below this one. So enjoy!! Hope you all have a great weekend!

A Note on Respect

2010-09-18T12:01:00.001+02:00

Emotions have been running pretty high along the last two chapters, and I feel like this note is well overdue. But before I can come to explaining what I feel some of you might be interested in - how ‘real’ BDSM works sometimes - I feel I need to say a few things about another topic - respect.

I have gotten a couple of reviews and PMs that have offended me - personally - this week, and I have responded in a less than mature and composed fashion. I’m not catholic, I don’t turn the other cheek, when someone gets in my face I usually retaliate in kind, and then some. Maybe that was uncalled for, maybe not, but that’s not my point. As usual, the fallout is the same accusation as always - is there a memo out there for offended readers to just copy? Because I swear, I have that very same answer in my inbox several times nearly verbatim. The fact is, I do value discussion, and I would be very disappointed if everyone would just blindly agree with me.

From where I stand, the problem is not the controversy, but the blatant lack of respect and courtesy. Don’t get me wrong, I love it when people are so caught up in the story that they really feel for and with the characters, but seriously, when you approach the author with whatever beef you have, THIS is the time to take a few deep breaths and distance yourself from the story, and try to be a little composed. I know this might be a little hard, but at least five people managed that wonderfully last week, and I think I could alleviate nearly all of their fears and concern. That’s what I mean whenever I try to encourage you all to leave some feedback - so that I see if what I intended to write got across for most people, and try to straighten out any remaining misconceptions.

Again, you don’t have to agree with me - but there’s a good way and a bad to express that, and I really hope we can all act like adults and stop this flinging of shit and prejudice around. If not, FFn and gmail have wonderful filters and/or ways to block incoming messages from select people. I’m just sick of having stomach pains whenever I open my inbox and there are new reviews and PMs waiting.

Now on to the ‘info’ - and main - part of this note.

Until two chapters ago, what Edward and Bella did was challenging mostly on a physical level. Of course Bella grew a lot on a mental level, too, she learned a lot about herself and grew comfortable with her submissive nature. Now they felt it was time to progress things further - and the next step was to start publish psychological borders. That was probably more obvious on chapter 21, but happened just as much when they were playing in the woods.

I can see why a lot of you were very concerned about what went down, and I think some didn’t really make the cut between themselves, and Bella here. Mindfuck scenes only work when you’re in the right mindset - and if I’m not terribly wrong, most of you don’t live in a D/s relationship where you’ve decided on a mutual basis that you want to take the step into this territory (but if I’m wrong you’re a bunch of lucky bitches, but then you probably enjoyed the chapters just as much as I did).

As we all know, a D/s relationship is rooted firmly on trust and respect. Players know that - always. A sub knows that however he might act in a scene or whenever they are playing, her Dom respects her like he respects no one else. He knows that she wants this - needs it, craves it even - and that’s why he does what he does. Of course he also enjoyed himself immensely, but it all always happens in this context. They both want it - and they respect each other’s wishes and limits and are so damn happy they have someone to share and indulge their needs with.

The nature of a BDSM relationship is that it is unfair, that it is unbalanced, and outside of the proper interpersonal conduct we are used to and thrive for. The fact that the sub can stop everything with the safeword and in that holds the real power restores that proper balance. Rightens the wrong. But unless for whatever reason she doesn’t feel well enough to play, the sub wants to be treated unfairly at times; she wants to submit - she needs something to submit to, even - and it gives her a sense of being owned and appreciated in her submission when that is put to the test.

Orgasm denial is a powerful tool to bring that side out of a sub; of course it is frustrating - and it gets only worse because you know you’re really the only thing that stands between you and your climax, because you’d just have to use that stupid safeword and could get yourself off within a minute. But that wouldn’t be a very satisfying orgasm. Trust me, I’ve done it, and the only thing it did was leaving me feeling stupid and weak. Because I want my Dom to be a badass, mean bastard who I sometimes even hate - but always love even more because he knows how good I will feel if I tough it out and wait and grit my teeth until he grants me that release I need. It’s a mental form of bondage, if you want to put it that way, and it has always been worth it in the end for me. It’s a reward not otherwise gained, and one I will crave for time and again. And my Dom knows how what he does makes me feel. He does it because he knows I want to feel that way - not frustrated, but proud when I was able to tough it out. That he does all that is a testament of his respect and love for me. And all the better that we both get off on this.

Another fact is that players who are into the SM part of BDSM really do get off in pain, giving and receiving. There is nothing wrong about that because a sadistic Dom doesn’t go around and hurts random people to get his kicks - he hurts his masochistic sub who loves to feel that pain and would maybe go to great (dangerous) lengths to search it otherwise. This way you have a controlled, save environment they both can indulge their needs in - and if that’s not your thing, fine, but you should let them do their thing without judging.
Not everyone into BDSM likes pain in one form or another, but for most it is a vital part of play. Of the couple of dominants I’ve bottomed for in my time in the lifestyle not one of them had any qualms hurting me, and I think none of them really had to indulge me there without enjoying it themselves - or if not the sadistic side of it, then at least the control they had over me be giving or withholding what I needed.

I’m more than happy to discuss things with every one of you if what I write is making you uncomfortable. I’m happy to try to explain, in detail, with examples if you want to, what is going on with the characters, or how this works out in reality. That’s why I write what I write, I’ve done this, I’m doing this myself, and I think these are the layers of a BDSM relationship that so many of those misconceptions that make people believe it is all abuse are rooted on. Let me help you understand.

I’ve considered just stopping to respond to reviews or comments that get under my skin. Maybe I will. It’s tempting to just think ‘fuck you’ and ignore it all. Let the ones who feel the need to make themselves feel better by offending me have their one minute of fame and let their flames die of lack of oxygen and attention. I’d rather these people these people would take out the heat of their grief from the reviews so we could discuss things on a more levelheaded basis. I still believe this is possible, although I’ve been proven wrong so often since I started HBR - but I’ll keep my faith if you keep yours.

ABD Chapter 21 Notes

2010-09-12T18:20:00.000+02:00

posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/21
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-21
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=21

A very brief note again - not much background to talk about in this chapter, so mostly a few comments from me and the usual Q and A!

I hope that everyone got the significance of what happened in chapter 20 - yes, it’s the whole trust issue again. I really feel the need to stress just how important Bella’s progress is. I know a few of you commented on that, and I was very happy about you noticing, but the huge wall of indifference that seems to greet me for chapter 20 compared to the two chapters before is a little daunting. I also feel like I’ve written too many personal things into the story of late, I won’t do that again. Thankfully the plot has now reached a turning point where that’s not necessary anymore anyway. But feel free to ask questions, even personal ones, I just don’t want to feel like I’m oversharing.

I’ve also finished outlining the whole story, thanks to some very intense plotting sessions with two of my best friends in the world of fic, who also happen to be my most prolific pre-readers. Sorry I always forget to thank you in my notes! And A, too! Anyway, the story is ‘finished’ inside my head so technically I could answer any questions you have about the progress, but as I’m adamant not to spoil anything for anyone you will understand that I won’t just gush about it. Suffice it to say, there might come a few points in the story where I will feel like reassuring my audience, but you’ll see what I mean when we get there. Still, before you stop reading because you assume I’m dragging the story into a direction you won’t read, feel free to ask. After all I pride myself with writing the unexpected.

And yes, I like being such an evil tease!

As for the kinky side of chapter 21 - here’s a picture of how B’s new butt plug looks (just imagine it in red - again from my favorite toy and supplies site, J.T’s Stockroom)

I think I don’t need to post any pictures of lube or towels, right? thought so ;)

Now to the questions - thanks so much again that I get some every week! I wouldn’t mind answering more if someone else has some, too.

1. Is there any chance we'll be able to see Bella and Edward's checklists? Or do you plan on keeping us in the dark to draw out the suspense and make us salivate over each new chapter?
I don’t have them in written form so I would have to make them up anew, and I don’t really want to. They are quite fluid throughout the story so I feel like new readers might get confused, so I’ll probably stick with keeping you all in the dark!

2. I know you've had issues with certain other BDSM themed stories in the fandom, what is it that bothers you about these stories? You don't have to be specific to each story, because i don't want to start any word-wars here, but in general, what is it that you dislike about them?
First off, I don’t suffer fools gladly. And if someone doesn’t do research and then writes shit about my life (and lifestyle) I’m offended. I’m not talking about the “soft porn” equivalent of BDSM-esque fics around - please, everyone keep reading and liking them, just know that they are not the ‘real deal’. What makes me mad is that so many people get off on deliberately painting BDSM in the wrong colors. Showing it as abuse, or caused by trauma, or as a disease that needs to be cured. Just switch BDSM for homosexuality and you might get why I’m not happy with these stories. It’s not a phase, it’s not something caused by a traumatic event. Sure, all our actions are shaped by our lives, but I only know people who in the turn of dealing with trauma realized that there was another part of themselves they’d been in denial of until then, not that the abuse or rape caused their need for control and inflict pain on others (or the vice versa with masochistic submissives). This is simply wrong and deliberately hurtful to anyone in the BDSM lifestyle. I also feel betrayed when I see some of my readers fawn over these stories, and when I ask them why they tell me they know these elements are bullshit but they don’t care. But that’s my problem, not yours.

The other thing I’ve come to loathe is that some people cannot take what I write because they assume that the ‘lighter’ stories are the reality, and in turn accuse my Edward of being an abusive asshole. There have been times, particularly at the beginning of HBR, when I felt like screaming at my screen when I got another one of these reviews or PMs, and they never went away completely. I know that what I write is too harsh for some people, I also won’t force anyone to read it. But I wish everyone would accept that I know what I’m writing about - I really do this shit, and I know I’m so not alone with it! - and be a little more openminded. I’m more than happy to sit down with each confused reader and help them explain that no, it’s not abuse, it’s what all involved parties want, that part of it is just a game that works because of the layer of trust and respect, that the sub is the one with the ultimate power to stop things - but for that I need the aforementioned openmindedness. Part of the reason why I’m still writing ABD even though it’s quite painful for me sometimes is because I want to give an example of how BDSM works in romantic relationships, or can work. So everyone can catch a glimpse of it without softening everything to the point of pure fiction.

I don’t envy any story or writer their success or review numbers, mind you. I’m happy with the level of feedback I get at the moment (although when it drops again for whatever reason just at the chapter I feel most edgy about myself is of course a punch in the gut), and I’d rather have ten dedicated readers who love the story and feel with the characters than a hundred just blindly fawning over it because I write exactly what they want to read. Just thought I’d make that clear. When I bitch over a story it’s content related, nothing else. And I try to do that in private for the most part as not to hurt anyone. But some stories and their rabid fans just bring out the worst in me ;)

3. Will we get to go deeper into the story of Edward and Tanya, or this piece of Edward's past buried (at least somewhat)?
As I said a few notes back, I intend to write Edward’s story of how he got into BDSM, which starts with meeting Tanya, and ends somewhere in his time with Beth, if I’m really prolific after he’s finished his training as Dom with her and Peter. But I cannot say when I will write that. Quite the busybody at the moment when it comes to fanfic. And life.

ABD Chapter 20 Notes

2010-09-07T01:58:00.000+02:00

posted at:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/20
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-20
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=20

Only a quick note because I'm dead tired - too much going on in RL, and I still wrote 17k between Saturday morning and Sunday evening, so be kind to me ;) Most of you probably already read 'Velvet & Chains' - and the other 10k are the latest ABD chapter.

Below the cut a few remarks, pics of the bondage, and the usual Q and A!

I'm really sorry I still haven't replied to any of the reviews I got over the last 2 weeks - I'll try to work on that (probably backwards) this week! At least the longer ones I feel compelled to reply to in detail, and as that takes hours usually I need to find a quiet corner to hide from life first.

To help with your imagination, that's about how the Karada tie Edward puts on Bella looks like:

and here's a link to a great tutorial for those of you who like better visuals for the in-between steps, too. The back view pic is from there.

As you can see, bondage isn't just for restriction, it can be for visual pleasure, too ;)

Questions: personal ones this time - as always, thanks so much for asking!

1. What was the hardest thing for you to overcome? You can look at this question any way you like.
Shedding society's ideas of what is right and wrong. It might sound easy to some who've never had to do it, but it's not. I lead a relationship where I'm happy when the man who loves me roughs me up, and he gets off watching me fool around with other girls. People don't always react kindly to that. Learning to stop caring is a neverending process, at least for me.

2. What was your worst (most disliked?) punishment, and what did you do to deserve it?
Being ignored and treated with indifference; and I provoked it, telling my Dom off without ending the scene first and accusing him of not being man enough to handle and break me. Silent treatment and belligerent smiles are way worse than canes and having to sleep on the floor.

3. Have you changed any of your limits from when you first started playing to now, or did you always invision yourself doing what you do now? Maybe an example?
Many of them changed as I was taught to keep my limits realistic and appropriate to my experience, so naturally, over time many of them got pushed a lot. There are indeed a few things I never thought I'd even want to try that I greatly enjoyed in the end. I never thought being spit and pissed on can be so much fun lol But for the most part I didn't really stray from my expectations. The really surprising thing is the nature of the relationship I lead not, not the kink we engage in together.

Velvet & Chains, a Dommella's Dungeon contest example entry

2010-09-05T13:09:00.000+02:00

posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6299737/1/
http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewstory.php?sid=3071

Summary: Bella and Edward, both experienced players, are a 24/7 D/s couple without being romantically involved with each other. Only this slave has recently angered his Mistress. AH/OOC, B/E, BDSM. Example entry for Dommella's Dungeon contest

Check out the contest details here - http://www.fanfiction.net/~dommellasdungeon

If my little ficlet gets enough cries for more I'm happy to write it into a full multi-chapter fic, too! I already have a full page of notes. Just saying ;)

Dommella's Dungeon Contest

2010-09-03T18:07:00.000+02:00

http://www.fanfiction.net/~dommellasdungeon

A new contest - and I'm one of the judges!

Starting now and going through Oct 31, the goal is to write a kinky one-shot between 2 and 10k words - where Bella is the Domme (all parings allowed, but B has to be the one in charge). It can be from sweet and gentle over casual playtime to full-out 24/7 - whatever you want to write. It just has to be original, a new story, and good. Entries are anonymous, so they will get judged and voted on quality not nickname - ideal for first-time authors, too!

As a judge I cannot enter, obviously, but I will write at least one, possible two example entries that might inspire you or help rally your courage. Watch out for them on my profiles (FFn and TWCS), here, and on the contest profile!

A Note

2010-09-03T17:42:00.000+02:00

Let's talk about a few things - like the last few chapters and what I mean with my previous A/Ns. And if you always wondered how I got to embrace my kinky side, you might wanna read on, too.

I’m sorry I didn’t really get to personally replying to all the reviews I got for chapters 18 and 19, but maybe I can answer most of the questions here.
I also have to stress that I still didn’t get a single bad/negative review for the story, which I’m insanely grateful about. I wrote that I was upset about the reactions I got - and in fact still am about a few - but that’s because the last few chapters held a lot of “me” in them, and while I know you were only reacting to what Edward and Bella said and did, some of it felt too close to you judging me. I know, booohoo, I should be more secure than that if I write personal issues into my story, but I thought that more of you would understand that there might be a strong “talking from experience” component to the chapters and maybe take a few minutes to think what they write before they spill their own insecurity all over the review page. Mind you, I’m not offended, just a little ... taken aback. But maybe I can clear most of that up by telling you where exactly I’m coming from, kink-wise.

I don’t know if it you already figured that, but in HBR and ABD I almost never associate myself with Bella, but quite a few times with Edward. You could say we share parts of the history and a lot of the limits list ;) From the beginning, B was more for the readers to associate with and/or understand, as I don’t think most of you would have come to like her so much if she’d been head over heels, pushing herself to the max all the time. I never intended to write much of myself into the story in the first place, and up until recently the conversation B & E had in the train very early in HBR was the only part where I ever let one of the characters speak for myself. It was the part where Edward told Bella that he’d always give her time to come clear with her needs and likes because he himself had somewhat of a rocky road coping with it himself years ago. We pretty much walked full circle with that topic until reaching chapters 17-19 where Bella herself was at the point where she wasn’t that secure in herself anymore as before.

Now to my own “story” - I generally don’t mind telling people but writing it to the ever silent, anonymous crowd out there is kinda scary. But I got enough emails over the last year of people who’re locked in that first stage so I feel like maybe seeing that they are not alone out there will help.

I don’t really remember when I realized that I wasn’t “normal”. I know there were some things in my early childhood that looking back are a dead-on indicator of where I’ve turned up, but kids do a lot of things for so many reasons that it’s hard to really pinpoint where they were coming from back then when the subconscious had full reign still.

I certainly remember the day I first had to confront myself with being different (although I forgot how old I was, somewhen between 9 and 11) when I had my first ‘wet dream’ and I pretty much scared myself shitless. So many years later the details are hazy at best, but it was a pretty intense rape fantasy, and waking up drenched to my knees after that probably sparked the first ever bout of insomnia I had. Thankfully my subconscious isn’t a really pushy bitch so it was a few weeks until I remembered having a similar dream, but for years they wouldn’t disappear. I tried ignoring them but thinking of them got me wet all over again, and over time I had to realize that I’m screwed.

I come from a very liberal and open family, and since I hit puberty my mom always had a very sex-positive stance. She stressed that I should wait until I felt mature and ready enough, but that sex was something two people should enjoy and that it was fun, and nothing to be afraid of. Lil’ 12 year old me was wise enough to keep my tongue about what my mind sometimes made of the “fun and not to be afraid of”, but at least the general idea wasn’t something I was shying away from. I still grew up pretty “well-protected” because it actually took a sleep-over at a friend when I was 13 until I realized exactly what a blow-job is (at least in theory). But with those girlish silly talks about sex and the wonderful sex ed teen magazines deliver my problem got worse and worse - because then I had to realize that not only did my brain come up with the weirdest ideas, it was pretty set on only those ideas. I didn’t want a boyfriend to kiss and cuddle, I wanted one to fuck, and not in a ‘take it slow the first time’ way, either. In the end all that combined made me feel like a freak, and that’s where I left the whole “sex” issue for years.

Like with all kinds of denial it comes and goes in stages - there were 6 months I still remember that I forced my mind to like cuddly, nice sex fantasies. Ugh. I think I didn’t come a single time during that. After that I finally accepted that either I go crazy or let my mind run free, but the whole idea put me so off sex that I didn’t even have a boyfriend until I was 15. I also attribute my endless, unfulfilled crush I had on one of my close friends from 14-21 to that attempt “to be normal”. And when I finally did have sex for the first time at 17 it was very anticlimactic. By then I was pretty much convinced that whatever others said, this whole fucking business was not for me, and barely tolerable enough to maybe one day get pregnant.

Then I finally got internet access at home, and things changed. First and foremost, there was porn. Don’t look at me like that, I was 17! But soon after that I found a few very informative articles online about BDSM, and from there on it was just a small leap of faith to realize that I wasn’t that much of a freak, at least not a lonely freak with no one else on the entire world to relate to. It was all scary and exciting, and before long I had to try it myself. My back-then boyfriend was somewhat of a push-over, and it was easy to talk him into being a little rougher with me, to tie my hands together or hold me down during sex, maybe even spank me a little - but while I had fun for the first time in my life when it came to sex, it wasn’t his thing at all, and let’s just say there is nothing more insensitive than a 18 yo scared boy breaking up with you. It came totally out of the blue for me, and hurt so much I felt like I was going to die (mind you, 17 yo still!!). The worst part was that he called me a slut and a freak, and as that was what I still kind of thought of myself it stuck. For years. Sometimes I’m not sure I really got over that even a full decade later.

So back to feeling like the utter weirdo I tried once again to accept a fun- and sex-less life, but some doors cannot be closed once they are opened. I’m a very sexual person, I sometimes joke that my mind is a constant stream of porn nonstop, and that together with feeling dirty and hateful about it all pretty much drive me nuts. One evening it got so bad that I finally went online and googled if there was a local BDSM community around - and after three months of being a wuss I finally went to one of their community events.

Scariest day of my life EVER, I must confess. Even after emailing with one of the hosts of their homepage (who is one of the nicest people I’ve ever come to call a friend, she’s really a doll!) I theoretically knew they wouldn’t eat me alive and all that, but I still needed nearly an hour to make it into the bar they were meeting at. Of course none of the weird ideas my brain had come up were true - they were all very welcoming, and generally a very fun and nice bunch of people to hang out with.

Let me disband another myth I’ve encountered along the way - how does the average kinkster look like? the answer is easy: average. Seriously. Older - between 35-65; in no way ‘hot’ - most people don’t have the body of a model, and the same goes for kinky people; more often than not smart and above-average well educated; and above all very nice and open-minded, and someone you feel you can trust easily as they are the types that are ‘responsible’.
If you come to think of it, most of that makes sense. Most people need years to come to realize what makes them tick. Sometimes it’s a divorce or bad break-up that makes them rethink, or moving to another country, seeing others struggle and fail in their lives because of personal reasons that finally opens their eyes. I was incredibly young at 18 to know all that, most people I know are closer to 30 than 20 then. Also, while I presume the average kinkster has more sex and tries to stay fit and limber to keep having that sex doesn’t make any physically fit 8and sadly you don’t burn that many calories with fucking!). Being older and experienced from living those many years longer makes it easier for them to be open to people who feel the same as they do, and most of them have come to learn how to be responsible. You need a certain amount of maturity for playing, particularly with people you’re not romantically involved with, and most 20yo (guys in particular, but also girls) lack that until a while later in life. I sometimes joke that all the kinky beautiful people work in the porn industry, and that the rest of us can’t really live up to that standard. We don’t have to, thankfully!

Now back to what happened. For the first few weeks, nothing. I mean I met really nice people, talked a lot, spent most of my time with them blushing a lot (because I get red in the face when I’m excited, not from being prudish), but that’s it. It was months later that I started talking and planning my first scene with one of the Doms, and I think it took two more weeks until he was satisfied with my limits list. It was very limited at first because he only let me out down the things I realistically wanted to do at that moment and he felt comfortable with introducing a novice to, which is usually the responsible way to go. When we finally did play it pretty much blew me away, although we didn’t really get to do anything that exciting. It was more the realization that for the first time ever I felt like someone appreciated me for who and what I was, and that while some of my preferences might be quite ‘out there’, that’s okay, too.

We started working on getting my limits to where I really saw them after that - once he knew that my assessment of what I wanted and could take was pretty accurate. I’m a painslut and I like to leave the playroom pretty bruised up, I knew that from the start, but no responsible Dom even listens to a sub telling him that after the second session only. Actually it was my first Dom’s wife who mostly worked me over and pushed me back then - she had a lot less problems going all mean on the cute girl than he did (probably because being a switch herself she knew just how much cute girls can take!). But we always remained on a very friendly basis only, they were an established couple and I had absolutely no interest in getting romantically involved with anyone, so that suited all of us just fine.

Eventually I also played with other people, also got a chance to top someone myself, but I kept it all strictly in the playroom. At the same time I had a few vanilla (non kinky) relationships but they never really did it for me, and as I didn’t want to cheat on anyone I usually ended them before I went back to find someone to play with me again. That went well for a few years but it’s frustrating to have to compartmentalize your private life, so I then decided to either not have any romantic relationships at all, or finally try to overcome being so burnt from back then by making it work with a Dom I knew and trusted.

In the end, it was luck only that got that plan working - as none of the people in my direct vicinity were suitable boyfriend material I signed up with a kinky dating site. I made a play-date with the first guy who didn’t seem creepy or fake, but when that day arrived I was sick as a dog and wanted to cancel, but he would have none of that, instead told me to meet him for coffee. The fact that he wouldn’t let me back out and actually told me to show up at the meeting sealed the deal for me. We’d talked a lot on the phone before that so I knew already that he wasn’t some lame macho idiot with that demeanor, but when we finally met he was all sweet and caring. At least until he stole the first kiss by sneakily letting me hide under his jacket when it suddenly started to rain, and brought me back to my car with his hand groping my ass the whole time. Ah, fond memories! neither of us expected that we’d stick together and fall in love eventually, but as these things go we were helpless ;) We still kept our relationship at a strictly play-only level while we dated for a while, but eventually all those layers merged into a very strong and rewarding relationship. I usually refer to him as my boyfriend, not my Dom, even when I talk about him online because he’s not just my Dom, although the word ‘boyfriend’ never adequately described how I feel about him. We fit together abysmally well in and out of the playroom, although I’m usually the pushy one while he has to hold me back when it comes to pushing limits.

Long story now told, back to the start. What upset me about the reviews was that so many seemed to disregard that TRUST that Bella and Edward by now have in each other and themselves. They could not play on the level they do without trusting each other explicitly. A physically intense scene is easy to do, but the moment you step into mindfuck territory, the Dom has to know the sub WILL use the safeword if things go wrong, and the sub has to be sure that the Dom will not push them too far, only far enough. I suspect most of you thought that possible because it was for dramatic and plot related reasons, but I wouldn’t write that as it would destroy all the work I put into establishing that trust.

And the second point that hurt was that many said Edward gave Bella too much time when she asked for it, so she could sort through her thoughts and problems. I needed 7 years to fully admit and feel comfortable with being a submissive masochist most of the time - Bella took it all in stride and then at one point wanted a week to sort the mess; also being honest to each other doesn’t mean you always tell your partner everything that’s bothering you - or do you? Can you honestly day that there’s nothing that you have issues with sometimes that no one else knows? Sometimes you don’t even have the words to voice a concern, just babbling about it usually doesn’t help. I always wonder how the people who are so fast with the “she has to communicate better!” cries are with communicating themselves. If you’re really that good, please tell me how you do it; I’m a very open person in my relationships, but even I need some privacy for my thoughts sometimes.

On that note, someone also mentioned that Bella needs therapy to get over the whole situation with Jazz - please tell me how it goes when you tell your therapist that you’re having trouble coping with when your best friend tried to fuck your other best friend who is also the man you love, and that all in a BDSM background where you feel he believes you’re an unworthy freak. It’s only been a couple of years since sadomasochism isn’t classified as a mental illness anymore - bringing it up in therapy might still get you committed. Or your partner arrested for abuse and assault. I’m a strong believer in therpy but sometimes you just need a little time and a friend or confidant t talk to. Usually costs less (coffee, sodas, and ice cream), and doesn’t end with any legal problems.
Also, coming out as kinky is scary. Some people react well to hearing the news, others don’t. I lost a few friends who now think I’m a worse freak than I ever thought of myself, or who think the same about my bf. The closer someone is to you, the more behavior like that hurts. I wish that no one would ever have to go through that, but the fact is, it happens. For some reason, homosexually is a lot more “normal” than BDSM for most people.

And a last note about pet peeves about myself - I’m bisexual. That means I like to have sex with men and women. That doesn’t mean I need a woman to feel satisfied completely. It only means that a woman could do the same as a man for me if I met the right one. Or not. I only have sex with women, I don’t have relationships with them. Please stop saying that Bella is insecure because she knows deep down that Edward needs cock to be happy. It’s not true. When you love someone, it’s easy to say no to things you’d otherwise enjoy but know are not out of your reach because of that person.

As I said, I meant no offense by what I said - just wanted to explain where I’m coming from.

I don’t know how many of you read this note so I will repeat the following statement about the story in my next A/N - probably nothing new but it has to be said.
- I do NOT promise a HEA. I’ve said so before, I will say it again, I will not promise a happily ever after ending. It would ruin the suspense of the story, and maybe my HEA isn’t your HEA and I don’t want to raise false expectations. That’s not to say I’m not going to write an ending where the characters are happy and together - but I don’t promise it. You’ll have to read it to know it.
- Just because they are Bella and Edward, that doesn’t mean they have to stay together. They don’t have to do anything, except die eventually one day in the far, far future. I might be writing fanfic, but I don’t write canon, so I have no reason to stick to any conventions. Again, doesn’t mean I will break them up, but please shove those weird conceptions overboard when reading any of my stories. And don’t leave me reviews that start with “but they are E&B, they have to stay together” either. if I were sticking somewhat to the original they would have to break up because in New Moon they did. Do you want that? I don’t. So stop it. They started out as fanfic characters with a few traits from the originals, but except for that HBR &ABD are completely unique stories that stand for themselves. You’re doing me and my characters a disservice otherwise. Thank you!

ABD Chapter 19 Notes

2010-08-27T15:51:00.000+02:00

posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/19
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-19
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=19

Not much of a note for this chapter - except for a little Q&A. I let the characters answer what I might have written in response to the reviews (as only about 3 really surprised me, so I could predict what they'd have to say to make my workload lighter, hehe).

A little more kinky infos with the next chapter, promise!

Answers personal and story related:
I like both of them equally, just can't answer all story related ones always as they might mess with the plot - but I'll tell you if that's the case!

Story related Qs:
1. Bella get's sick in this chapter, was it a reaction to Rose's comment and her earlier rendezvous? or is she picturing herself with edward's child and becoming nervous? or is it not mentally related at all?
2/3 sheer physical exhaustion, 1/3 mental distress because of the reason she explains in chapter 19. It had nothing to do with getting pregnant herself.

2. Will Jasper tell Bella about his daddy-potential problem, or not, seeing as they haven't been as close since the incident?
He'll tell her, because he'd feel bad with her being the only one of the four of them (E and Alice included) who doesn't know.

3. Bella's a lot more complex than i gave her credit for. What's one thing about her character (as your character, not S.M's) you cannot stand? Either if she were a person, or in the way you wrote her.
Thank you. It's one of my pet peeves that people assume just because S.M. created Bella the way she did my Bella is like her.
What bugs me about her is her wish to make everyone happy, and she'd rather forgive someone than risk open conflict. It might be a good flaw but in the end it causes more problems than it solves as it leaves her oblivious to the damage she does (did).

Personal Qs:
1. You Top sometimes, don't you? How does that compare to subbing?
Yes, I sometimes top girls (never guys, only when I "help" their Top); it's hard to explain how that compares to bottoming. I like it, I get pleasure from being in charge and in control, when I can live out my mean streak, but I wouldn't want the responsibility for more than a scene. It's a nice change of scenery, so to say, to experience everything from the other side.

2. Your parents - do they know about your kinky side? if so, how'd they find out and how'd they take it?
No, they don't know, and I don't want to tell them. I don't think my mom would understand. I think I would be more at ease with my dad knowing (and I kind of suspect he'd understand better than he probably let on, if you get the hint), but I'm happy they're oblivious of what we do.

3. How many Doms have you had?
I don't remember lol not that many but I don't count. 5 or 6 I think for a longer time, about 10-15 people who have topped me in a scene or two. The longest I've been with my bf, 6 years now. The 2nd longest was 4 months, and didn't end too well. I was somewhat shy to make any commitments the first few years, and the two people who were most involved in introducing me into BDSM I never considered my Dom(me)s outside of the playroom.

That's it for this week - feel free to ask!

ABD chapter 18 notes

2010-08-22T17:08:00.000+02:00

posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/18
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-18
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=18

Not a very long A/N as I'm too messed up right now to write one. Just a few things:

- The story now has its own facebook page - as you can see in the sidebar. I'm going to double post any notes on the blog and there. I'd also like to move any discussions that might come up to there as anyone can read and answer them who has a fb account. And you can be like me and make one just for fanfic purposes ;)

- If anyone's interested in re-reading Heartbreak Remedy, I put HBR, split into the single chapters, up onto my google sites archive. And because I still get surprised comments, to HBR and ABD also belong the two one-shots 'Fragile' and 'Doctor's Visit' and the smutty ficlette 'Duck You Gently' that you can find here.

- I'm still not done with Suit Guy POV for FGB Eclipse, so if you didn't join the team you have to wait even longer. Sorry but life is too busy right now, I barely got the ABD chapter done this week, short as it is.

That's it from me. Once I feel able to I'll add an extra blog post and note on FB with the things I wanted to explain along the reactions I got for chapter 17.

Facebook Page for the story

2010-08-19T10:17:00.000+02:00

Because my incessant farmville addiction might not be as fascinating to everyone as it is to me, and because I use my facebook account for lots of personal, fanfic and kink unrelated rambling, I've now created a facebook Page just for the story!

I've added the plugin widget to the top of the sidebar - 'like' it and come on over for discussions, story update links, extra info and naughty pics (if fb will allow me to upload them, that is lol)

ABD chapter 17 notes

2010-08-16T12:05:00.001+02:00

posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/17
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-17
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=17

Chapter 17 Note. Bella the Duracell bunny.
Or: only try this at home when you know what you're doing!

Remember back in the day when I first started posting ABD and I promised you all I would step up the pace? Well, here you are, a hell of an intense scene that comes a lot closer to what I personally do than what I usually write. Don't be scared, but I promise you, this one will make you cringe.

At the bottom are the answers to a few questions I got with the last update.
First, Beth's outfit (just remember, Beth is a little more buxom than the model here, hehe):

So what do we need for this chapter? it even comes with a shopping list!
We need, in the order of appearance:

A willing sub, some rope, and one of the most basic forms of breast bondage - a simple harness:

So much for the first part.
Now the second.

I didn't really find the exact picture I was looking for (because I write chapters and look for the pictures afterwards, not the other way round, and apparently my imagination is a challenge even for the wonderful kink.com etc sites) - something pretty close to this is the result you see above (and further down the post)

Reclined bench, legs spread and tied back out of the way, wrists secured - voilà!

Now for the different kinds of equipment mentioned:

You probably know them from a somewhat different setting - and now just imagine how much 'fun' going to the ob/gyn is for me. No, seriously, you don't want to be all horny when you jump up on that chair and spread your legs.

A speculum:

A Foley catheter:

Sounds:

I guess the latex gloves and the plastic syringe (without a needle attached, obviously) are self-explanatory;

A few words about urethral play. If you google it you'll probably get swarmed with pictures and vids where it's done to male subs. I have never understood why female urethral play seems to be more of a taboo. I like it, a lot, and for me it feels insanely good. I'm not alone with it, either, and if you consider the amount of nerve endings in the general region it's no wonder that it's something the body reacts positively to.
The main issue here is keeping things clean. I've had my share of urinary tract infections but never from using sounds. Sterile and/or antibacterial lube is vital, and everything that comes in contact with the peehole needs to be as free of germs as possible.
This is def. not beginner stuff, but you're all here to learn something new, right? ;)

And then, of course, a personal favorite of mine - fisting!

Now if you've read the chapter before you came here you probably got the take-away message already - if not, or if you're still cringing so badly, let me say a few words.

Fisting, or fistfucking, is something that can be immensely pleasurable. Both anally and vaginally for all people with the suitable anatomy. Which are a lot. Usually the problem isn't a physiological one why it doesn't work (right away) but a mental one. It's kind of a big thing - pun intended - if you're considering getting a hand shoved up there somewhere.

Now two things up ahead - there is absolutely no shoving involved, and usually not a fist in so far as what you would punch someone in the face with. At least you don't start out that way, but rather with the fingers of the hand all pressed together - like this:

Also very important, it's all about going slow. Like really slow. The vagina and anus are both muscled tubes, and muscles can be stretched. If you go too fast they will just contract instead, and that's exactly what you want to avoid.

Obviously, no one will try fisting who isn't turned on by the idea of it. I personally find being full and getting stretched great. Naturally I wanted to try fisting; I had the luck of knowing a few people who had done it before and knew what to watch out for - but it's really all about:
wanting it
going slow
and insane amounts of lube!! The saying goes, if you think you're already using too much, use more.

Fisting is certainly one of the more intense things to do. I mean for starters you have to trust someone a lot to do that to you. You also need to be very comfortable with communicating so you can slowly work your way through all kinds of obstacles, mental and physical ones alike; It hurts, even when you do it slowly, but for me at least it's never a bad kind of pain, and it's by far worth the pleasure that comes along once my body has stopped protesting (which after several years happens pretty fast, hehe);
But there are two misconceptions that I already addressed in the chapter, that I want to stress here again:

You don't need to have a roomy vag (either from having given birth, or your downstairs department being rather 'well used' otherwise) - and fisting doesn't leave you gaping or stretched or something. Like with everything else if you do it more often your body will learn, remember, and accommodate faster, but well trained muscles are usually the ones that are the most contractable, too, if you get what I mean.

The take home message from this chapter is simple - fisting is fun!

Now a few words about the chapter and its writing process.
This is actually version 2 of the chapter, there are 3k of the unused first version rotting on my harddrive now. I initially wanted to write it as a medical roleplay scene but that simply didn't work for me. Obviously you can see which part of the idea remained the same, but I like Bella to get a chance to be more active - even when she's completely tied down and forced into physical passiveness - and the re-write is one of the reasons why you had to wait another week for the chapter.

As for why use urethral play? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I wrecked a twi fanfic no-go there.
It is also something I personally like doing, and I figured, why not, some of you might appreciate a glimpse into a world that's a few steps farther away from the typical whips and chains BDSM image the media is broadcasting.

There's also a 'smut plot' reason for it, so to say - the bladder is really close to the vagina when you add a hand to the whole anatomy - and I guess you can think by yourself to what kind of accidents that can lead, particularly if you catch the fistee unawares. Awesome if you're into watersports - not so much if your mind is still riling from the idea that someone just successfully pushed their hand into your snatch.

Why fisting? Because I love fisting, it's fun, and I wanted to write it since I decided to take HBR from a one-shot into a real story. I refrained from it so far because of the reactions I got to some of the in my opinion milder things I wrote about, but quite frankly, you've all been warned, I'm sure that at least half of you aren't surprised I went there. I hope you liked it!

Up next, obviously, a non smut chapter, but after this one we all need a cigarette or ten and might enjoy a little friendly conversation between old friends ahead ;) Let the mindfuckery begin.

Now for the Q&A
I got a whole bunch of questions, and as there was no update last weekend and I don't know if I can write the next chapter this week, you get all the answers now - maybe they make you come up with some of your own? ;)

Story related:
Besides Beth, who is your favorite character in ABD?
I'm really having a hard time answering this. I'd say a very close tie between Edward and Jazz.

Have you enjoyed writing ABD or HBR more?
I can't really say it, the answer kind of depends on the feedback I'll get for this chapter - if people are mature enough so I can venture forth and really write whatever I want, or not. The beauty of HBR was to craft a story told by a character the reader could relate to better, so that I could take them by the hand in lead them into my world. And being a woman myself, writing from a female POV is a little easier as I don't have to remind myself constantly to let my main character act like a guy. But I'm terribly in love with writing EPOV, he's so much fun when he's mean :) so right now it's about even, but in a few chapters from now I suspect I will like ABD more.

Will there be a third installment to your stories, or do think ABD will be the last?
That entirely depends on how long ABD will get, and if I feel like there is still something to tell when I reach the point where the story naturally ends. Right now I think there will be no third part, but if I can still come up with something, I know how I would write it. Time will tell! But I won't force the issue either way.

Which of your characters is most like a person you know?
None of them lol okay, maybe Alice is a little like the lovechild of two of my very close friends. All the others, not so much. I know someone who is as outspoken and direct as Beth, but I don't think she would recognize herself in the character. I mean I would love to know all of them personally, but I generally like to create my characters independently of the people I know. Even in fanfic.

Personal questions:
What was your first scene like emotionally? What did you do in it?
It was intense, but mostly because it was my first scene, and helped me a lot to become more comfortable with my kinky side. I think I was high on the adrenaline for a week lol
Physically it was pretty basic, some spanking, I was restrained with cuffs locking my ankles and wrists together at one point, no intercourse but I was made to come twice and learned the hard way that deep-throating when you're in a hog-tie is a rather passive thing. What really blew me away was how easy it was for me to slip into a submissive mindset and not to lose it until the scene was over. Just to feel owned and helpless, it was great!

What is one of your hard limits and why?
My ears are a hard limit. Might sound weird but I get all kinds of crazy when someone blows in my ears, or limits my hearing. I don't mind being gagged and blindfolded, but I need to hear what's going on. Why? Probably because I was nearly deaf as a child from too many inner ear infections. That translates pretty straight into what it is.
As for something less strange, if you want to call it that, I'm a neat freak when it comes to shit, my own in particular. When I know someone or something will come even remotely close to my ass, I'm going to clean it before the scene. And when that's not possible, I insist on anal sex using condoms. It's not about the germs, it's about the idea. I want to be clean. Stat.

Have you ever had a Dom safeword? What were the circumstances?

No but I've watched a scene or two where it has happened. Usually health related issues that suddenly came up, like most of the time safewords are used.

In your relationship, did the D/s come first or the boyfriend/girlfriend?
Kind of a tie. We found each other online in a kinky dating forum, then decided to meet for a play date, but I was too sick to play so we were "stuck" drinking coffee and talking about other things, too. And found out that most of our interests and views match perfectly or clash ideally, and we kind of winged it from there. But the first few times we had sex were all pre-negotiated scenes while we were still 'dating'. And by now, I can no longer differentiate between the two layers of relationships emotionally, nor do I want to. Those are all labels and none of them suffice to describe accurately how things are for me.

ABD chapter 16 notes

2010-08-01T00:03:00.000+02:00

posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/16
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-16
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=16

Welcome to the note for chapter 16!
Second part of the play party - I'm curious what you have to say about Edward's idea! Even if you normally read it after the chapter, maybe take a peek below to jump-start your imagination while reading!

Thanks everyone for your awesome feedback for chapter 15 - I’m sorry I didn’t reply but last week was bad for me; I hope I can update again next weekend but if I’m late, please don’t be cross with me.

As for chapter 16 - a few pieces of equipment you might not be familiar with - or want to see pretty pictures of!

First, the St. Andrew’s Cross - a very versatile piece of dungeon furniture for whipping, or whenever you need the sub standing but want them to have some support to lean against. Normally wrists and ankles are attached to the cross with cuffs, but I love this picture!

A spanking (or whipping) bench is pretty much what it sounds like - in my opinion one of the most wonderful inventions ever. Comfy and versatile, it should me part of every dungeon!

And because I watched too much porn myself of late I HAD to add the anal hook. Some also have a steel ball at the end to add to the whole experience. It’s def. one of the things that looks worse than it actually is! Just so you know what I’m talking about! Also see the first picture above the cut for how it’s best used ;)
(and if I'm not terribly wrong that picture's from one of the best Sex & Submission shoots starring Jade Marxxx and Mark Davis - love those two and they have awesome chemistry together. Just saying.)

Now on to some things in general that I’d like to say, about the last chapter and in general:

Edward’s behavior towards Raven
Many of you responded to that, and every single reaction. I personally think Edward acted like a guy there - guys don’t get into women’s faces, plain and simple. They try to stay polite and often seem evasive without wanting to. He could have been more clear from the start but he really didn’t think raven would be that pesky and persistent. Then again his behavior have Bella the chance to shine and strengthen her spine, so in the end it was for the best. We’ll see where that mess leads in chapter 16!

What is the usual / in role behavior on a play party? Why are subs no dishrags?
I got a few reviews and questions concerning this that made me realize that I didn’t do a good job either describing this in-story or my previous A/N, so I’d like to address this topic here (again) - what is the proper behavior at a play party - in this case concerning Doms and subs and how they react towards each other.

Please keep in mind that this is not a universal thing as it highly depends on the community, but I’m happy to answer from what I know and live by.
The most important thing, as previously mentioned, is to show respect and proper manners. Not in a D/s sense but as everyone always should when attending a social function. You don’t laugh at people, you don’t belittle them or look down on them, you don’t set yourself up as the center of attention, and you don’t pick any fights. The very same is true for a play party, with maybe some extra stress on politeness.

I’ve read that some communities hand out colored bracelts so people can show whether they’re Dom or sub, experienced or not. I’ve never been to a party where that is in effect. And quite frankly, even like that it can still get confusing. Many people use parties to explore roles they normally don’t identify with; also, a sub mit be ordered by their Dom to top someone else for the party, so while they are still submissive by nature they might act dominant that day - and most importantly, you never know how much people are into the whole D/s part of BDSM. What is normal for some is hilarious roleplay for others and vice versa. Some thrive to kneel at their keeper’s feet, others don’t act according to their roles at all - so unless you know someone well you should not presume, because we all know what that makes of you and me ...

The tip that Beth gave to Bella - to address Edward with “Master” the whole time was for playing, not for conversations. While maybe nervous and somewhat meek and demure that day, Bella didn’t act that different to her usual self until they started to play, even towards the few Doms she knew, mainly Beth and Peter.

As I said before, it’s a play party, and about having fun, not sticking to protocol. Unless you scene together, you behave like normal, nice party people!

And finally - the proposal
A few people asked this over the last few weeks so I figured I’d answer it again for everyone. As you (hopefully) remember, Edward proposed to Bella at the evening at the gala in the parking lot. Esme later goosed him about following up with a proper proposal, but until now he hasn’t. Why? Simply because the right moment hasn’t come yet. Also please keep in mind, it’s only been a few months since they hooked up. HBR started in late April / early May, and ABD picked up in early September. Now in October barely half a year has passed. But rest assured, they’ll eventually tackle that issue, too.

ABD Teaser chapter 16

2010-07-31T17:56:00.000+02:00

A really short one - and maybe I'll post the chapter tonight, knowing how much you're all itching for it!!

Nothing like the scent of leather, sweat, and lube to get me hard, add a sprinkle of the sounds of flesh meeting flesh and a few high pitched moans and I'm in heaven. The only thing better than that is actually being the one to cause all those sensory assaults, on my lovely Bella no less.

And in a few minutes I'll finally get the chance.

ABD chapter 15 note

2010-07-25T17:06:00.000+02:00

posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/15
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-15
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=15

Welcome to the weekly info note!
Please read on if you'd like to know more about play parties in general. This week's question is one about the story itself - How Edward and Rose bonded.

Part one of the play party chapter is online - next chapter's note will be all about what they're going to do, while this one is about play parties in general.

If you've read the chapter already, you know a lot already from Edward's narrative and Beth's announcements - but there might me a few things you're wondering.

Mind you, I'm talking about what I know; each community has their own rules so they might differ, but most will apply.

First, a play party is (usually) not an orgy. If you've read my Rose o/s "Bad, Bad Things" you got a glimpse into what swingers do - BDSM play parties are not like that. While inherently very sexual, BDSM isn't just about sex - and when it comes to play parties some people don't engage in any form of intercourse at all. There are exceptions, of course, but usually it is two people playing together, with the others just watching - more or less in silence as not to disturb the players.

Respect is probably the most important thing everyone has to uphold when attending a play party - you stick to the rules and are at your politest, or you're out. That includes not disturbing players during a scene, offering "helpful" comments, or doing anything else to interrupt their play. Unless invited to join, you don't, and if you want to play with someone, you ask between scenes, not while they're getting it on. While what is going on is hopefully pleasing and arousing to everyone attending, it's very rude to jerk off in public (unless it's part of a scene) or to touch your partner in a way to get them off.

Respect also applies to how people behave towards each other when talking. Unless they're really into staying in their roles the whole time most people will not behave any different than at any other "normal" party. Socializing is as much a part of this as the playing itself, and many enjoy just hanging out with people who share their preferences and/or lifestyle. You usually get a very diverse crowd there, so respecting each other's dislikes and kinks without acting like yours are the only important ones is vital, too.

In the ends it all boils down to having fun - playing dress-up, meeting friends, taking a break from drab everyday life.

If anyone has any questions, please ask! You can always email or PM me if you don't want to ask them here. Actually that makes answering a lot easier, too ;) Or hunt me down on facebook!

Now to our question of the week - how did Edward and Rose bond?
If I get to write the HBR prequel I will likely got to write that in detail, but the short version goes like this:
Because she needed models for a figure study assignment for her photography BA thesis Rose asked around several sex shops around the city if she could post her add there. She met Beth that way, who, her usual helpful self, offered her that - if Rose were open-minded enough, she could come to one of the play parties and ask around if someone were comfortable posing for her. Rose, ever curious, accepted happily, and was consequently confronted with a side of Edward she hadn't known about before (they were already loosely acquainted through mutual friends in college, but barely knew each other's name).
After the party Edward offered to help Rose, but asked her not to tell anyone about his kinky side. She wouldn't have in the first place but that request got her curious, they started talking, and quickly became close friend. While not into BDSM Rose was fascinated by the whole concept (and also the visual aspect), and Edward was happy to have someone on the outside he could talk to about everything.
As we know from HBR, Rose took several pictures for Beth's book(s), and she eventually chose to switch her focus in photography to figure studies and portraits that are somewhat provocative. Rose, Jasper and Beth were the only people who knew both about Edward's kinky side and his love for Bella long before they hooked up.

That's it for this chapter - I need a new question, or several, for next week's note! Please! :)

Teaser ABD Chapter 15

2010-07-24T00:16:00.000+02:00

A quick one - there's not much to tease about this chapter, so here are the first paragraphs. More on Sunday!

I can tell that Bella is incredibly nervous when she straightens before me for a last inspection. She is absolutely stunning and I hate myself for being so dumb to actually think - even for a moment - that it's a good idea to go to the party. Because I really need to fuck her, right now, and I know that if I give in we won't even get out of our bedroom for the next hours.

Sometimes I really wonder why I've ever been proud of my self-restraint, too.

ABD chapter 14 note

2010-07-19T01:31:00.000+02:00

posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/14
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-14
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=14

Welcome to the chapter 14 note! Below a few words about the chapter, and our weekly question! Also including some episodes from my personal life. And two more yummy pictures because I just couldn't decide on only one!

I'd like to say a few words about two things, mainly - spanking and punishment, and how you start a scene that isn't a scene.

You all know that I do this on a regular basis myself. And if you haven't, now you do.I'm a sucker for anything that hurts and isn't pointy, and getting my ass spanked with the flat hand is about as yummy as foreplay gets for me.

Because that's what it is - you can only do so much damage with just your hand. I hate to see so many fics demonize spanking in a backstabbing way. Five slaps with the hand, however out of the blue they might come, don't really hurt all that much. Our tush is a pretty well padded part of the body, also in skinny, tiny girls, and it takes a lot to inflict real pain there without the help of any proper toys. Not that spanking can't hurt, but, well, let's face it, even thirty slaps will not really hurt. The constant impact will in fact cause more lust than pain in most people, and it's something you can do everywhere, all the time, without any toys, and as it doesn't leave that many marks unless you bruise really easily it's simply perfect!

If interspersed with some kneading and gentle stroking, I'd even say it's one of the most pleasant things with a light sting you can get yourself into.

Now Bella had to deal with 'real' punishment before - although this time it came down on the lighter side. You probably already realized that not the spanking but the lack of satisfaction was the punishment here. As she realized her own fault and confessed, even asked for punishment, Edward felt he could go lightly on her. What did she get punished for? Falling back into her previous insecure ways of doubting herself, and trying to manipulate him.

I don't know if I've explained before what topping from the bottom means - if I haven't, now is the time for that.
I guess you're all more or less familiar with the terms topping and bottoming? You are a Dominant's submissive if you play in your respective role, usually more often than just once, with all the mind games etc involved; but you're a Top's bottom when s/he dominates you for this one instance, this single scene. I know, semantics, but some people take this very seriously. I don't, but if I, as a mostly submissive woman, were to dominate a man once, I would say I top him, for instance, to state that it's less something I usually do and identify with, but just a fact for how this single scene will work.

Now topping from the bottom is - as you might have guessed - when it's the submissive partner who is setting the pace and giving commands. Although by most (insecure) Doms used in a derogative fashion, the term doesn't really mean anything bad. If you have a very experienced sub who is playing with a Dom in training, it might be a good idea to let her lead him along until he has learned to do it himself. Or if it's simply the way you like to play. Some do. Some don't. But usually it describes a sub who is breaking role and trying to assume control by manipulating her Dom into doing her bidding - actively, while it has previously been established that for the duration of the scene the sub should be acting submissively and according to the Dom's orders.

Why did I say insecure Doms (I should have said insecure 'Doms')? Let me explain via an example from my own colorful history. When I was pretty new in the lifestyle I once hooked up with an equally new Dom. He was all about protocol but pretended to be nice and forgiving. One night we had a slight misunderstanding, and my punishment for mouthing off was not to wear panties the following day. Now it so happened that I forgot I had a very busy schedule, including 8 hrs of lab practice, a seminar talk I was leading, and an interview with the professor I hoped to convince to become my thesis advisor. In short a hell of a long day where I had to stay sharp and focused. I remembered about three minutes after getting told not to wear any panties, which particularly for the talking parts would have upset me. I explained to my Dom and offered to go commando for the rest of the week (even starting directly after that interview), and any other punishment he deemed appropriate gladly. Play should never intrude into your business or family life - and if you've been playing with someone for a long time they will never inconvenience you in a way that could jeopardize your career or expose you to your in-laws.
Now what did he do? He got mad at me, terribly so, to the point where I wanted to back away slowly. He accused me of trying to manipulate him, of - you guessed right - topping from the bottom. As he put it, it wasn't my liberty to decide when the time was convenient for me to obey and when not. I guess he had a point in some way, but what I really did was a) simply tell him facts I had previously forgotten and he hadn't known about, and b) protect myself. Suffice it to say, we ended things that very evening, and I didn't take his offer when he told me two weeks later that he would take me back if I just groveled enough.
At first I was rather upset - no sub likes being accused of being a manipulative bitch when all she did was explain and plead for a re-direction of her punishment because of an already upsetting enough cause ahead. But then I realized that I hadn't really messed up - I just bruised his ego as he, in his insecurity, couldn't take me saying no in any way. He felt like I didn't take him seriously, and underlined all that in his reaction. A more secure and experienced Dom would have suspended my sentence until anything that could upset me had passed, and maybe added some to the original punishment after that, kind of like letting me 'thank' him for being so understanding.
Now, if I had protested just because I didn't feel like wearing underwear for no particular reason that day, it would indeed have been an attempt to top from the bottom.

End of lecture #1 ;)

Now the second part - a much quicker note because I got this question a lot of HBR - how does a sub realize she should slip into sub mode when a Dom starts a scene that isn't a real scene, like Edward did in this chapter?

Well, let me answer that with a question in turn - how many grunted words does it take for you to realize that your partner is in a foul mood when they get home from work?

Exactly, it's not that hard to grasp.

Of course it's harder to 'get' when you're reading this as you might have to track back a sentence or two, but I don't think it's really difficult to see when teasing, loving boyfriend turns to stern, demanding Dom. Just watch for the moment your panties get wet ;)

And now for the weekly question - this one from my good friend A, and thanks L for translating -

Before the party in chapter 1 of HBR, why didn't Bella realize that she was into kink... Most people would like some kind of kinky sex, but she's really into it (even if she's still trying to grasp the idea and pushing -or not- her limits)?

The answer isn't as easy as it sounds, but I guess the main reason is a) denial and b) inexperience. Bella grew up as the only child of a police officer, I can't picture Charlie being great in having any kind of sex talk or open communication there; Renee might have said a few things but Bella always tried to be different than her free spirited mother, so any kind of "not normal" fantasies she might have had she probably buried very deep.
And while she certainly heard some of Jasper's "war tales" she didn't really sleep round much before she hooked up with Mike - which, if you look back was really an attempt to stabilize what she figured was "normal". Or at least that is my own explanation for her behavior.
But then even Mike found B too boring, and when it was Edward of all people asking her to take a tiny step away from "normal" he invited her to open the door to the desires she had always denied herself, and how that went we all know.

That part about Bella is pretty much the only thing she has from me in her - only I had that phase when I was 14, and about a year later I figured I'd rather be a raving mad pervert than continue to be so unsatisfied, and the rest is history.

That's it for this week - I hope I didn't TMI you all there! I obviously like to ramble on about my own life so if you have questions about that - or want to keep indulging my idea of answering a question about me or the story or the BDSM lifestyle in general each week here, please ask!

If you don't want to do this in public (answer included) you can reach me via PM, email, or on facebook!
For story specific questions I made a new formspring.me profile - http://www.formspring.me/hbrabd - as their slogan goes, ask me anything!

I hope I didn't miss too many review replies and emails - I know I still owe a few. If you don't get a reply by tomorrow please slap me so I get to it!

Chapter 15 will be (the first part of) the play party at Beth's - see you next Fri/Sat for the teaser, and Sunday for the chapter itself! If you want me to send the teaser in your review reply - please let me know!

ABD Teaser chapter 14

2010-07-17T20:05:00.000+02:00

Hi everyone!!

Here's your teaser for this weekend's ABD chapter - we're up to the evening of the day before Beth's play party!

"Just spit it out, what has your panties in a twist?" There I feel my smile morph into a lopsided grin again. "Oh, right, you aren't wearing any panties! How could I forget that."

Her weighted gaze is answer enough, but she goes on without letting me tease her too much.

"There will probably be several of your previous subs there, too, right?"

I nod, momentarily not quite understanding why she's suddenly starting to fidget, but then the proverbial light bulb goes on in my mind.

"Are you jealous because I played with them before we got together?"

"No, of course not, I'm -"

She trails off with a huff, then shakes her head as if to underscore her words, but the way she keeps avoiding me tells a different tale. I briefly consider assuring her she has nothing to fear, but then decide against it. This is rapidly turning into one of those moments were Bella acts like a stereotypical woman - although she has yet to ask me if I think she looks fat in skinny jeans - and I feel like I have to stop this, right now.

"Bella," I say, stressing her name enough for her eyes to quickly move to my face.

"Hm?"

I can tell she's playing dumb, or deliberately trying to ignore the implication of my change in tone.

"Get up and stand in front of me."

She moves quickly enough that I realize that she knows what I'm up to, although the look on her face is a very long shot from meek.

"Strip."

HBR / ABD formspring

2010-07-13T10:50:00.000+02:00

I've set up a formspring.me account specifically for HBR / ABD - but of course you can ask about my other fics there, too.

<p>&amp;lt;a href="http://www.formspring.me//HBRABD"&amp;gt;http://www.formspring.me//HBRABD&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;</p>
You don't need an account, just use this here, or the widget in the sidebar, or the direct link - http://www.formspring.me//HBRABD

And yes, I also answer personal questions, just, you know, behave ;)

ABD chapter 13 notes

2010-07-12T00:00:00.000+02:00

posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/13
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-13
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=13

Welcome to the extended note belonging to chapter 13! Read on for a comment on the central theme of the chapter - switching roles, a picture of the new toy B and E got, and my answer to the question of what I personally think of Edward as a Dom.

If you're reading this before the chapter, maybe just peek at the picture of the toy below, and read the text once you've enjoyed the chapter as it is!

Ah, it's good to be writing this story again! I actually I picked it up more than a month ago, but RL stress and my vacation, plus the 50k promised to my FGB Team kept me from posting. I figured it is for the best to establish a posting schedule now that I feel like I have a little more room to breath.

Chapter 13 is about trading places, for our friendly neighborhood kinksters that means Edward submitting to Bella. As you all know, Edward, being a switch, feels about as comfortable being the submissive part as the dominant, but for Bella that is definitely a big deal. Something she might have been curious for a long time after being partly in control in their scene with Beth, but being completely on her own in charge is new to her. As she later states, while being fun, she's not completely at home in this role - but we might see more of her further exploring that side of the game in the future.

Writing this with only my pre-reader C for the wiser I don't know how you all will perceive Bella's behavior - suffice it to say, she's not into hurting someone, and most of what she does in this scene is for Edward's benefit, not necessarily her own. The name calling, the playful teasing, the harsh temper, the way she makes sure not to half-ass it but really put him through his paces. I hope you all saw it like that, or do so now. Most people in BDSM play roles - that's why it's called 'play', too - and it's more often the Dominant indulging the submissive's wishes and expectations than the sub compromising to please the Dom. Of course the whole scene looks and feels exactly the other way round, which is kind of the point. Never forget, it's ultimately the sub who holds the power, letting things be done to them and being able to stop it all at a single word.

Because I wanted to use it in the story for some time now - bondage tape! Just imagine it more like an actual lie than here, but I think you get the message -

picture from stockroom.com - getting a little sentimental here because my own (white) leather cuffs are from them :)

Now for the toy - the feeldoe!

purchasable from the great people at Tantus.

It's like a strap-on dildo, just without the strap-on idea, kept in place by the user's own muscles.

I know some of you have wondered in the part what a woman gets from using a strap-on - here it should be more obvious, but the universal answer is that it highly depends on the build of the strap-on harness. Some don't provide direct stimulation for the wearers, others do, and if you want to know more, just wiki or google the shit. Yes, wikipedia is a surprisingly good starting point if you're curious.

A dear friend endulged my plea and asked me a question last chapter - please feel free to rise to the challenge yourself and give me something I can answer next week, too!

What do I - personally, as a sub and writer of this fic - think of my Edward as a Dom?
I think he's a good Dom. He has experience, he knows his limits, his ego doesn't completely reign his actions so I'm sure he would accept a no to a proposition any day without getting angry, a very important trait a dominant needs to make a submissive trust them.

As you might remember, particularly when they started out together, he had some problems adjusting to Bella. That had less to do with him as a Dom than with him being insanely in love with Bella, a common reason for people to lose their mind and act irrationally. He's easily excitable and that turned out to be somewhat of a problem, but once they actually got talking, he got a hang of how much is too much, and how much is just enough for Bella.

Would I play with him? Fucking hell yes! After all I'm kind of writing my dream guy here, in a way. But he in no way resembles anyone I know, except maybe myself a little in some of his likes and personality traits, but I think that's part of being the writer, too.

Do I think he will fuck up again? Not as a Dom, no, and very unlikely as just Edward, either. Guy learned his lesson, and their recent discussions aside - which I personally see as part of a 'real' relationship - he's pretty happy where he is with the woman he loves.

I hope you liked the chapter, I certainly had a lot of fun writing it after it blocked me for the better part of two months, around writing BMBM and LMU. I have no idea why it took me so long, it was pretty easy to picture everything in my head (and I think should my bf get his hands on it he might laugh when next I protest that I'm so not into topping guys), but sometimes other things need to be written first.

I wrote the next three chapters all within a week, so I'd say the block is broken, the road ahead as clear as it is rocky. And that's all the foreshadowing I'm going to add here. Well, except for the fact that I don't write one-sided characters and that everyone has their secret motives and hidden agendas, and eventually we'll know why what happened in the past happened.

I mentioned possible HBR/ABD outtakes - an idea that gripped me while I was doing my long swims in the lake on my vacation - I think it would be fun to write how Edward got introduced into the world of BDSM, how the fuckup with Tanya happened and how he met Beth. So if you're now licking your lips for some subward, or always wanted to know, stay tuned! I really *love* writing Edward on his knees but the main story and his character don't really leave much room for that, considering he's in an entirely different place by now, but my last outtake with Rose and Em got so much good feedback that I figured I might add a few more.

And before you ask for what you all probably *need* to know - Edward's and/or Jasper's POV of 'That Friday Afternoon' - let's just say you don't have to wait for outtakes to read that - soon.

That's it from me for chapter 13 - if you have any comments or questions, you can leave them here, or in your review, or PM or email me (which is easier if you want an answer), or hunt me down on facebook (Daria Chenowith) or formspring (ABDdaria) - you see, just because I'm off twitter I'm not out of this world!

Until next week!!
love, D.

ABD reposted on FFn

2010-07-11T20:24:00.000+02:00

The first 12 chapters of 'A Beautiful Disaster' are - complete - on fanfiction.net again!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/1/A_Beautiful_Disaster

And the good news? Chapter 13 - not yet published - will go online later tonight!

FGB auction start & BMBM Drabbles

2010-06-26T18:18:00.001+02:00

FGBEclipse auctions start in just a little less than 6 hours from now - woooot!
www.thefandomgivesback.com

If you haven't yet, join a team, hunt down your favorite writer(s)'s ass(es) and bid on them! It's for a great cause!
If you want to join my own team, please email us at teamBMBM@gmail.com! We're accepting team members until the last day of the auction (Jul 2nd).

In honor the the auction week I'm going to post short drabbles from the BMBM "universe" every day - watch out for them! If you have any questions or were wondering about something mentioned in passing in the story, I'm open to suggestions!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6086835/1/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=2442

OFFICIAL FGB INFO!

2010-06-24T11:09:00.000+02:00

Finally, the official info for teamBMBM is ready!

Auction post: http://www.thefandomgivesback.com/item.php?id=572
Forum thread: http://www.thefandomgivesback.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=77&sid=7cce95730ed18289e2728e776b31bf53

If you want to join, we're accepting team members until the last day of the auction - July 2nd! Please email teamBMBM@gmail.com!

What you’re bidding on:
Suit Guy / “E” POV of Bend me, Break me, a 30-50k wild ride that should rival the original story - at least a month before anyone else will get to read it!

Yes, I will post it on FFn and TWCS eventually, but you get it first!

Plus, you get exclusively: A dedication as member of TeamBMBM and a brief (or not so brief) introduction to the story written by me where I explain how the story came to be and its background.

We bid as a team, and after we win the auction, every member has to donate individually - less complications for the team leaders, and the money goes direction from the bidder to ALSF!

To read the whole Info Email for members of TeamBMBM please click here.

an update on updates

2010-05-30T19:46:00.001+02:00

or lack thereof.

If you still have me on author alert on FFn you've seen that I'm a busy bee even if ABD lies dormant at the moment. Let me give you a quick heads-up on my fanfic rambles:

- If you haven't read it yet, my Smut Monday contribution, Dark Like Chocolate
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5977485/1/Dark_Like_Chocolate

- Next Friday I'm up at twilighted's Friday Free For All - I'll also cross-post to FFn for everyone reading there. Ever wondered how Rose's little problem with getting pregnant but not knowing who was the father in Heartbreak Remedy came to be? On Friday you'll get the answer.
update: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6023549/1/

- My Fandom Gives Back story - Lift Me Up - is finished - getting posted to FFn Monday / Thursday / Saturday here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5994639/1/Lift_Me_Up

Projects next up:
- Suit Guy POV of Bend me, Break me - for now exclusively for the members of TeamBMBM, might be posted later on FFn and TWCS, but if you want it first week of July, join the team.

- A new story, tentatively titled Bloody Lies - I only wrote the short intro until now, but it's intended to be my "stay sane" project alongside writing ABD. AH, very OOC, a little along the lines of how BMBM could have been if I hadn't killed Suit Guy and Bucket Girl off. Which I still think was the perfect end for the perfect story. My heart bleeds every time I get reviews hating me for it.

- And last but not least - A Beautiful Disaster! Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about my favorite kinky couple. But I think we all know that this story is slowly inching towards that rockslide into utter mindfuckery, and when I get there, I don't want to let you all hanging for weeks between updates. So I'm taking another month off the story, finish all my other stuff that I listed above, and then I'll dive head first into it. And trust me, it's going to get grisly in parts, but that's why you read the story, right?
I intend to re-post the missing chapters and continue posting on FFn (next to the other sites) as I didn't receive a single hateful PM or email since I re-started posting ABD. I know most of you like FFn best, and with the new mobile feature the site gets even more convenient. And as long as things stay calm I don't see why I shouldn't post there.
Look forward to it in, say, late July / early August.

At the moment RL is gripping me hard, too - last month of the semester so I have a lot of term papers to write, exams to study for, and I should get the place for my diploma thesis lab finalized. Meaning I don't have too much time to spend with fanfic, so sorry for my lack of review replies. I simply don't have the time, I wish it were any different, but sadly it isn't at the moment. I still read all of them (twice actually, once on my phone, 2nd time when I sign into my gmail), and I love everyone who takes the 20 seconds and leaves me some love. I can't thank you all enough!

TeamBMBM for FGB Eclipse!

2010-05-21T14:56:00.000+02:00

My good friend prassacut and I proudly present the official Team Bend me, Break me for FGB Eclipse!

We've signed up at the FGB homepage and at FGB Teams - and the details couldn't be simpler!

Join our team by emailing us at teamBMBM@gmail.com. The FGB Eclipse auction is running from 6/25 – 7/2, and after that team members will get the "E" POV of 'Bend me, Break me' exclusively delivered into their inboxes. Expect 30-50k words of a raw, wild ride!
The story might later be posted online on FFn and TWCS, but the stress is on later. It will be yours first, with a special dedication, long before anyone else can get their dirty hands on it!

The FGB homepage states they cannot (or will not) discourage from bidding alone against a team - but I personally do so. If you want to bid, please join the team. This is about raising money for a truly worthy cause, the more the better.

p.s. should you want to bid for me but not for this story, please email me at daria.chenowith@gmail.com, I'm happy to discuss things with you.

New Fic - Bend me, Break me & FGB Eclipse

2010-04-27T16:33:00.000+02:00

My new fic - now online at
FFn - http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5917473/1/bend_me_break_me
TWCS - http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1739

Beware - it is gory, twisted, violent - read and heed the warning!
"WOW" has been the consensus of reviews so far, and it was even called an "emotional meat grinder ride"

Because the next Fandom Gives Back author auction is coming up in June - and because I have an amazing team at my back who pimp the fic up and down on twitter, I have decided to once again offer my services for sale!

Code name: #TeamEvisceration

Now what is it that I offer? The EPOV of 'Bend me, Break me'.
You all know this is for a good cause - I will post more details once June is closer - and our goal is to raise as much money as possible. If you want to back me, please PM me or email to teamBMBM@gmail.com - we'll get back to you with the information as we have it!

Until then I hope you enjoy reading the story - I personally think it's the best thing I have written so far! I will in the meantime work on ABD and the fic for last year's FGB auction that I still owe the lively five ladies who joined forces in my name (a romantic comedy fluff fest - as much as I am capable of succumbing to fluff!)

HBR reposted

2010-04-15T16:34:00.003+02:00

Hi folks!

As several of you asked for it, I reposted Heartbreak Remedy @ The Writer's Coffee Shop Library -

http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1634

feel free to review and rate the story and different chapters with their neat coffee cups, but please, if you do so, be fair and also rate the chapters you liked high and not just those you have a beef with low. thanks!

ABD chapter 12 notes

2010-04-14T20:12:00.003+02:00

Not quite the picture I've been looking for to present the notes for ch12, but I still found it oddly fitting.

Links for posted chapter here:
Livejournal: http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/3326.html
googlesites: https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-12-1
TWCS Library: http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=12

Not much to say about the chapter itself, except wooden clothespins = good starting gear, plastic ones usually come in the varieties from nasty to omfg eek! But it really depends on a person's sensitivity, independent of their usual pain thresholds.

Two new things:
- From now on I will write all A/Ns just here, so if you want to ramble, please return. If not, just go directly to your chosen fix site. If you want me to post anywhere else (except twilighted & fanfiction.net) please tell me and I'll sign up, or please ask the admins there to let me sign up and post.
- Formspring didn't work well, but I'm more than happy to keep answering curious questions. Which I will do here now, and with each subsequent chapter notes. Just leave them in your review, or PM me, or email me, or even reply to this post, and I'll try to answer them next time! I won't post your name or nickname, so ask away. The only thing I won't answer are plot relevant questions that entail too much foreshadowing, and anything that's meant to be offensive.

A/N for chapter 12:
Thank you all for your warm welcome, it's awesome to be back, and I'm sorry it took me so long to post again. But I have a very good reason, several even, one of which was my brief stay in London (which was awesome! Marks & Spencer BLT for the win!); another is that my best friend is pregnant, and requires insane amounts of time from the still stunned godmother-to-be - which kind of conflicts with my smut peddling schedule! I'm sure you'll all understand!

Also thank you everyone who wrote me an email or review, I've been shamefully lazy and didn't reply to even half of them - but I read them, several times, and I love them, and they totally made my day. I'll try to do better next time!!

Kinky Q&A:
(from someone commenting on the formspring link post I deleted a while ago, so I have to wing it a little, but it went like this)

Q: You let Edward explain that he's using several BDSM and bondage sites online for his scene ideas. How do real Doms do that?

A: First off, I'm trying hard to portray Edward as close to reality as I can. Doms are just people, even though you probably shouldn't say that to their face - and like everyone else their minds work in very different ways. Some don't use anything but their imagination and memory; some do research in books, forums, other sites on the net; still others let their subs script the scenes for them, making that task part of the sub's obligations. Any and all variations of that are valid, as are the hundreds I forgot to mention or didn't think about.

Some Doms work with a real script, or one in their head, while others just start at one point and see where everything leads up to. Scenes are an incredibly fluid thing as so much depends on the sub's reaction that you can never fully rely on a set plan. The wonderful thing about writing porn is that you can virtually do everything and it will always work - reality is a long shot from that. It's like what most stories tell about male stamina, and what you're used to at home. Sometimes reality and fiction is close, sometimes very far apart. I try to keep it real, but Murphy's Law is a bitch when it comes to kinky fun.

As for us, I usually come up with the ideas, and once I'm tied up, he runs with them. Works for us.

Thanks, and I hope you enjoy reading the chapter!

The stories, the backups

2010-02-15T09:21:00.000+01:00

As most of you probably already know, I pulled my twilight fanfics. Because so many people asked for the backup copies, I put them all up on a site -

https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/

please feel free to download & read! Just don't re-post them bc. that's tasteless. Thank you!