posted at
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846625/23
https://sites.google.com/site/dariachenowith/abd/chapter-23
http://dariaabd.livejournal.com/
http://www.twcslibrary.com/viewstory.php?sid=1383&chapter=23
This week’s note is mostly answering questions again - I got so many last week, woot! Not much else to say as the chapter is pretty much self explanatory!
Although I scoured the web and also my own (print) magazines I didn’t find any pics that live up to how I envision B & E’s tattoos to look like - guess your own imagination will have to suffice, too! ;)
How similar are the scenes you do to the ones you write or are they watered down?
What I write is watered down - then again I have been playing for over 9 years now, while B’s in it for only 6 months - obviously there has to be a difference here. I also wouldn’t feel comfortable describing a 1:1 RL scene and then have half of my readers go all “but he’s too cruel!! how can he do that!! if he really loved her he would never do that!” in their comments (although one of the last chapters was very close to that already).. I also don’t want to make anyone overtly uncomfortable, so what my characters do is a nice compromise I think we are all happy with.
In one of your notes you said that you where a painslut - does that mean you do not mind/get off slightly at other pain when it is not in a scene? Like when Rose was having the baby and said B would find it easier is that true or is it more to do with settings and environment that let you enjoy it?
It depends on the pain, and the person receiving it. I have a high pain threshold but I think that’s completely unrelated to my brain being able to perceive pain as pleasurable. Some things hurt me like they do everyone else - and I think giving birth is one of them. Rose was just trying to lighten the mood when she said that, because she didn’t want anyone having pity or sympathy with her as that would have made things worse for her.
What I enjoy is erotic or eroticized pain - but it still hurts. That’s something I’ve wanted to stress for a while, just because I enjoy pain that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt a lot; I can also deal with some kinds of pain by trying to put them into an erotic context, or by having sex - but some things just plain hurt. And just because the setting of a scene is great, that doesn’t mean the conversion always works. That’s what safewords are for.
Are you on a no getting off rule? Either from yourself or at all.
No, thankfully not at the moment! But we’ve done both in the past. I don’t really deal well with not being allowed to masturbate (weirdly enough, not being allowed to come at all is less frustrating for me. Then again sex is seldom about getting off for me in general, so I guess it does make sense), and it’s pretty much the first thing that becomes active again when I fuck up or anger my Dom.
Has Edward ever had a male sub? My mind is having a fun time envisioning it.
Yes. I think 2, actually, that he’s been playing with for a while. But only for a few scenes, nothing more than the kinky equivalent of a one-night stand.
You help plan your scenes, don't you? What scene were you most nervous for, and did it turn out to be as scary as you expected?
Yes, I do, although I would love just being left in the dark all the time, but I’m stuck with someone who enjoys eating the same three things all the time, and I suspect wouldn’t mind keeping that practice up with sex, too, if I didn’t, ah, volunteer to be his muse and inspiration sometimes. Yes, I’m selfish like that! lol
I’m generally not nervous about the outcome of something I know will happen - unless he starts improvising ;) things are never as scary as they are in my mind - my mind is a paranoid bitch! What I was most nervous and excited about was our three years anniversary ‘present’, but that turned out great.
One of you formspring questioners asked if you were into edge play to which you answered it depended on each persons definition of edge play. What has been the edgiest thing you've done?
I guess the aforementioned anniversary ‘present’; I still love the three scar lines on my hip. That wasn’t all we did then but those were the deepest cuts that were meant to stay. And yes, I’m deliberately vague because it’s a very personal thing for me.
You say on your author's bio you were a scientist who played with cells. Is this still your job? If not, what do you do now?
It kind of is, I have a master’s degree in molecular biology and recently went back to university to get a second in plant pathology. I’m a nerd. I torture all kinds of cells and bacteria. Sadly I don’t get off on that!
Do you see yourself in BDSM forever? you know, being 85 years old and still getting a spanking? If so, how does something like that work, because you obviously can't be as rough... If not, how will you manage the desires?
Yes, I actually do see myself in BDSM as long as I have someone to be kinky with. Obviously the physical part will get challenging over time, but the spanking I don’t see as so hard to accomplish lol but BDSM is 70% in the head so you don’t need to be all limber and fit to do it. Heck, you don’t even need the guy to have an erection 24/7! ou can always shift it to a more mental thing, which I think we will be doing eventually. Right now I enjoy the rough manhandling, but it’s all about him being in control and me submitting, that doesn’t have to be based on actual rough fucking.
And thank everything that is holy for clamps, vibrators, rope, and wax!
Thanks. I think it's awesome the way you share. Your enthusiasm for your lifestyle shines through in your ANs and your stories. I wish we could all be so passionate about our lives. Sadly, I'm personally in a vanilla hell right now; but I have hope for something better.
ReplyDeleteLove your stories. Thanks so much!
dude. This is one of my favorite chapters ever! The gf sent me a text this morning that said "the new chapter is right down your alley". LOL
ReplyDeleteI have been wanting her to get her nipples pierced for a long time, and I think I've worn her down. LOL She wants a lower piercing, but I'm torn on that.
I'd love more details on your anniversary present, but I get that you want to keep some things private. :)
Have a good week!
First of all, HAWT picture on here. :P
ReplyDeleteSooooo, i have two things to say this week. First off is my usual questions, second is (hopefully) an explanation for why you're not getting the reviews you want.
1. Safewords. What are yours? Do you follow a simple stoplight system of do you have something more creative?
2. When you safeword, is it usually for emotional reasons, or physical reasons? I know you have a high pain tolerence, but where is enough, enough?
3. In the playroom, what does your Dom call you? (you mentioned this on your facebook and it made me curious.)
4.
So, onto my explanation for reviews. I'm speaking from first hand experience, and maybe what i have to say isn't true for everyone, but maybe it will help make sense of the reviews.
In simplistic terms, BDSM is scary. It's an unknown to most of your readers, and it is sort of frowned upon in society. All of this you know, and i'm not saying it as an insult, so don't get your panties in a twist just yet.
From what i've read of BDSM (because I'm not an active participant, though i'd like to be) it seems that almost every sub and every Dom encounter a point in time where they look at what they're doing and say "This isn't normal. I'm not normal."
On a smaller scale, of course, every reader also goes through a bit of that. Where they're locking their bedroom doors so no one knows what they're reading, but still anxiously waiting for the updates. They may be a reader who's in it for a dirty wank, or they may be invisioning themselves on their knees. Either way, they have to admit to themselves that they like it.
Once they've gotten to that stage, they're likely to want to keep it a secret. By writing a review, they're showing interest in BDSM. If they're not communicating with you, they can brush it off if someone were to ask.
All I can say is i read countless BDSM stories, including all of HBR and half of ABD not wanting to make this 'concrete' before i came to the conclussion asking questions and talking to you really wasn't that scary.
I'm not sure that makes sense, and if it doesn't, PM me (develindiskies) and i'd be happy to try and explain some more. I'm hoping this note will help your feelings hurt less because people aren't not reviewing for malicious reasons, rather, they're scared. I'm just sorry their insecurities end up affecting you, too.
(PS, I really hope i didn't insult you at all in this little note because that was not my intention at all.)
Anyway, I'm hoping the chapter does come out (because if i'm not mistaken, there was some talk of not publishing it, or, making it the last chapter published), but if it doesn't I'm 99% behind you (1% of me is very selfish and is willing to beg for you to finish this story). Hope your day is good, and that in exchange for you answering all my questions each week, i can answer some of yours as well.
Everyone, thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteAs usual, special thanks to my most diligent question poser ;)
Don't worry, my panties, were I wearing some at 3am freezing my ass off in a bathrobe and nighty, are in no twist, and neither did anything you said offend me. I get what you mean, I understand it, and trust me, if the review numbers were always as they are (which should be the case if people were too scared to say anything) I wouldn't feel so down.
The fact is, any and all introduction of drama, be it artificial or real, makes review numbers SURGE. Like from a comfortable average of 50 to above 80. And then I add a few chapters that are loaded with development and significant changes, both in and outside of smut of whatever kind - and now they drop to an all time low? How am I to take this except for the blatant slap in the face that it is? They reviewed before and then they stopped. Several chapters in a row. There is plenty of stuff to say. They can't even say a simple thank you. Quite frankly, it kills me. Makes me depressed, makes me question the quality of my work, because clearly I must be doing something very wrong if the support of my readers drops by 50%.
It takes 5 minutes to create a gmail email address and a new FFn account that plunges your identity into total darkness. I know because I actually have a second set of email/FFn accounts as a contingency plan should my main account get deleted because of my blatant disregard of the site's rules. The reason people don't get another one from their usual to comment on stories like mine is because they don't give a fucking shit. And when it comes down to it, we're all pretty anonymous here in the first place. There is also email, my blogs, FB ... PRIVATE MESSAGES ... so many ways to leave those two words that could make a difference - thank you - and I can't tell you all how delighted I am whenever I get a message from someone who's new to the story or just caught up or whatever. Like 57 minutes ago. It's a gesture that's so small it shouldn't take much to deliver, but it can show so much support and it means so much to me. And I feel like a broken record, I've sad this so often, I really appreciate it. Need it. And what I get is silence from most people. I'm really trying to ignore the feeling of rejection and hurt because there ARE 41 people out there who did review and leave emails and PMs and show their support every damn week and do their best to pick me up, and if I could I would hug you all, and you deserve me at my best because when I feel good I write fast, high quality chapters. The sad fact is, I can't change how I feel, and I won't detach myself from all this to the point where it doesn't matter anymore because that would kill my drive to keep going.
(part 2 following ...)
Anyway. Two nights in a row of really bad insomnia is not good for my brain. It hurts.
ReplyDeleteActually this is only going to be the last chapter I'm going to publish before my intended little break - or hiatus, or whatever - RL is kicking my ass bad, I have been neglecting a lot in said RL over the last weeks in favor of fanfic writing which just drags me down even more as said fanfic writing is dragging me down, and I need a break. Need to step away from the craziness, make myself not care, wait for time to heal the wounds, let my BF fuck the depression right out of me. At first I only wanted to take October off but NaNoWriMo is in November and I want to write for it again, and to cram those 50k words into a month packed with exams and studying I really can't add another 35-50k ABD to it. If anyone's interested to know more about my plans I can explain in more detail in next chapter's note - suffice it to say, I want to write a 100k original novel on Oct & Nov (and probably Dec), to purge myself of the boohoo ridiculous down that ABD always drags me into, so that I can pick up the story where I will leave it with the next chapter and continue until I need the next break.
I have a sketchy outline of ABD until the very end, and I will write it. The only question here is when and where I will post - and if we stay with 40 people who care to show their support and involvement, I might just email it to you all! Or finally hide in a closed livejournal community I only send the invites to the people I know want to read the rest (60%-75%, we're not even near the half way point!) of the story. ABD is my masochistic lovechild, I couldn't let go of it if I wanted to - and I don't want to. never really did, and the months I was unable to write the characters showed me just how much I missed them. But as I want to spare myself the pain of going through that kind of block again I step on the breaks now, see ramble above.
The sad fact is, no one can really tell me why people don't review. and if I complain openly the only thing I get is 5 people telling me spoilt brat and a diva and that I should be oh so grateful that they even read my shit. Readers in this fandom abuse their writers, that's a fact.
And, for the record, I haven't written a single word of the next chapter yet because I have been feeling like shit all week long whenever I've thought of opening the next gdoc to start. Can't tell you how great a feeling that is. Soapbox out.
Well then, they can all go to hell. Make it private, make exlusive to those you want to be reading the story, be rid of them in some way. That should be an extremely cleansing day.
ReplyDeleteI'd whine and complain about you not writing for two-three-four months, (because i'm selfish like that) but, i do understand that relaxation and real life have to come first. (I'm also out of town for four of those weeks. So, i can live.)
I am interested in knowing about your novel plans. ^.^
I'm very excited to hear we still have a lot of story to go, and for that i will be patient. Especially because you promise you've got it all planned out and you will continue to write.
About the chapter, whenever it comes out, it comes out. I can't wait to see it in my inbox.
luv ya D, hope all get's better soon.
Thank you for continuing to write this and share your life and lifestyle with us. it take a lot to open up your personal life and share with all the readers. it's very educational and has really opened up the BDSM word to me. thanks again! looking forward to ch 24! - BB
ReplyDeleteI just started reading this story yesterday after reading the first one. I just could not put it down. I just signed up for your blog today. I must say I am so impressed by your writing I cannot stop reading. I love reading about your personal life. I have learned so much from it. Thank you for sharing. I am so looking forward to more of this story. Thanks again
ReplyDeleteI have read HBR a few times and loved the detail of it. I relate to you in quite a few ways and after reading your blog thus far, love that your an actual participate of the life style and not just some person that did a little research. I actually just realized there was a sequel. That's my fault for not paying closer attention to you, as your a fabulous writer. I can feel the emotion you put into the writing. It may be easier for me to "feel" said emotion, as I am also an active sub. In my opinion, I have both my nipples and 4 lower outer labia piercings, the nipples hurt worse. Lol But that was the second time I had them done, due to having to take them out for nursing. Again, just wanted to say that you are an amazing writer and I am so, so, so very happy I re-read HBR...again...and found a sequel!!! Thank you so much for letting us into your brain but also into your personal life. ;)
ReplyDelete